Be shocked if she could use velcro

Sad day. After 8yrs of medical training, and a lifetime of service, a friend has been struck off following just one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients. What a terrible waste of time, effort, training and money. A genuinely nice guy, and a brilliant vet.

Number crunching: Iran war

From the new Private Eye, out now.

Stat.

Peppers potted up. Getting a bit tight on space for the next month.

Are these still available? I know someone who has a birthday coming up.

Pure class. I hope there was a pewter tankard and a set of darts as well.

We’re going down Some reflections on what seems like an imminent relegation following today’s defeat to Swansea City.

The same in more words here.

It's been on the cards. I reckon you're right. Down to League Division 3.

Not involved in the war update.

Chalk markings being knobs on pavements?

(Chemical Brothers enter phone box giggling, the one that looks like Olive from On the Buses pulls out a bit of paper. The other one dials the number on it.)

“Hello.”
“JK Rowling?”
“Yes, who’s this”
“Hey Boy Hey Girl, Gender Neutral Toilets, Here We Go.”

Chemicals slam phone down and run away.

Nine years of the decade of astronaut training is about learning not to need a wee. And a bit of flying.

Probably your last series before Radio 2 snap you up for the breakfast show?

I was going to go last year on a break between digging. I've got a dog. You can't take the dog on site. I'll leave the dog in the car. It's not hot. You're not allowed to do that and they have people patrolling the car parks to make sure you don't. Plus it's a £1m to get in. Not for me.

Looks suspiciously like a photo that a reform candidate is hoping won't come out twelve hours after being selected...

He's melting into his seat like late-stage Kissinger.

It's that time of year when Manchester play London in the Milk Cup and we ask ourselves what is a carabao?

Who's got a piece of Wes Streeting?

Wes Streeting having the chutzpah to tell the story about the NHS.

He doesn't tell the bit about how much he's accepted from private healthcare and the risk our NHS is at under this Labour Government.

And most of all, lots of questions about his meetings with Palantir.

#BBCQT

Harold Shipman was the most famous GP in the country.

The Israeli government is now doing to southern Lebanon what it has done to Gaza. Horror and death on an unimaginable scale. And still our governments supply weapons, intelligence and diplomatic support.
#PartyToTheCrime

Sweet sweet ears.

This is Asher. He was hit by a car and left with a broken pelvis. He needed hip surgery followed by physical therapy to heal. Thanks to you, we covered that in full. He has since been adopted by a family that learned of his story here! They named him Dobby, obviously ❤️‍🩹

Slowly filling up.

Insights from Steve "Bouldy" Bould as to why Arsenal are so hated right now. With unbiased interview from yours truly.

For all you young folks toiling away at work this fine Tuesday morning, I’m sorry to tell you that in the good old days of the fax machine it used to be more fun.

Can't help think Leicester are done for now. QPR five straight loses and no goals. Bang three past us.