no, car, my tide pods are not a passenger. but wills you like for them to be buckled in anyway

moved recently and thus have a new auto shop where i’ve been getting my oil changed but now i’m back in my hometown briefly and happening to get an oil change at the old spot. will my mechanic hate me for cheating on him

The year is 2035, I begrudgingly scan my retina and pay an invisible tax of 69% on toilet paper at the Amazon employee store because my genetic profile says I called Jeff Bezos swagless on Twitter in 2018

i’ve recently become enamored with drawing medieval-style cats in public places. here’s my latest masterpiece, planted after an improv rehearsal.

Alex says "man, the world is such an unjust place." She gets to work on a little model with a bizarre arrangement of mouths and limbs. She comments "I'm fabricating a fucked up little sculpture to express my feelings..." A friend comes by and says "hey, that's cool. you wanna join me wolunteering at the food bank?" Alex says "Pass. I'm really exhausted from making the sculpture."

meditated for 10 minutes only to immediately go drink an energy drink. inner peace wants what i have

NANCY By Ernie Bushmiller I HEAR YOU'RE WORKING AT THE FISHING SUPPLIES SHACK YEP SIGN IN WINDOW- BAIT DO THEY PAY YOU WELL? THEY PAY ME IN WOIMS

Nancy By Ernie Bushmiller
February 22,1978

unfortunately i’ve had those recommended to me as well. state of the world— i’m disappointed but in no way surprised.

if anyone’s wondering about the state of college theatre classes these days, for the past few weeks i’ve been working on a 20 minute original play comparing the UHC assassination to the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand. there is a wrestlemania scene in the middle.

Black cat with a yarn label around shoulders

Someone came out of the yarn room

just found out the site i bought my iconic ‘Bigfoot Is Real’ hat no longer sells it… triples my aura let’s be real

I know pointing out hypocrisy doesn’t matter anymore, but if there’s one person I wouldn’t want to be the judge of who goes into locker rooms, it would be the man who openly boasted about walking into dressing rooms of underage girls

switching from safari to duckduckgo, chrome to firefox, adding ublock origin and privacy badger. has been so freeing. sure, it’s a new interface that will take some getting used to. but the peace of mind…

also, there's students at my college trying to start an "AI Prompting Club" and its taking everything in me to not bully the snot out of them.

Research paper! Fun! Being explicitly told in the directions of the assignment to use ChatGPT and other AI tools to draft a topic? 😬😬😬

63 possible years i could have been randomly assigned for my research paper, and yet the one I was assigned is the one with the earliest due date 😭 at least once I'm done I won't have to worry about it anymore?

one of my favorite stories from the nature-based preschool i used to work at was the time i showed up to our version of a PTA meeting and was offered mushrooms by a mom who had just scaled a tree to forage them

these are sick as fuck

Have i shared my #lordoftherings bookmarks here yet? They're linocuts!
#lotr

First they came for the immigrants, and I spoke out, because I’ve read the damn poem before and I know how it ends.

Getting a library card is punk as fuck and free!

Two dogs, a samoyed and a goldendoodle, playing. The goldendoodle is about to bite the samoyed’s neck, while the samoyed is giving a near-comically exaggerated smile.

Timeline cleanser, anyone?

I could accept everyone becoming dumber if we were also becoming nicer (golden retriever-fication) instead of getting more evil

Beautiful things are happening on xhs.

guess who has two thumbs and just signed up for an additional course this semester. i don’t know whats possessed me to think i can handle 6 courses in one semester but by god i’m going to try

there once was a lonely bourgeois
who fancied a ménage a trois
using pickles, not friends,
with flared base at the ends!
gave her a dill-flavored hoo-ha

place of HONOR is out. place of HORROR is in. well yes i will be inviting a vampire to my dinner party.

e-readers are just literary devices

Cheating on an exam by memorizing everything the professor taught in advance so I can easily answer all the questions

lethal amounts of yap reached during this morning’s Communications course,, i suppose that is the point