I was born in the 70s. My bones are 35% lead, 28% tobacco tar, and 37% polyvinyl chloride.

I would like to buy 100 shares of Umbrella Corp, although I don't support your mission statement, I see your growth potential

Jesus that looks amazing. (I'm very hungry rn)

Everyone mentioned in this story. Every single one.

I know exactly how you feel. My FIL has a telescope and subscribes to Astronomy magazine.

I disagree that Bluesky is dying. Almost 30% of my posts are liked by at least 2 people

Is it just me or does it bother everyone that the total number of bars is not a multiple of 10 or 12?

"I'm appalled that whippersnappers these days don't know Morse code or semaphore flags."

OMG! I remember this! I told my Iowa friends I know this guy. They didn't know what to do with this information.

I just unmuted all my muted followers. Don't make me regret it.

No fair that an island near the Arctic circle is about two weeks further along with spring than Iowa

Heathcliff > Garfield

Same reason I know about the Elbe, Bug, and Don rivers but have no idea where they are

Vance is held at the same level as one of the Bush boys. They'll vote for him if they have to, but his utter lack of charisma limits his power

I'm working next to a train track and I don't have any pennies to put on the rails. Fucking Trump.

My St. Patrick's T-shirt:
"Nod Familiarly at Me, I'm Descendant from Protestant Irish!"

This is bullshit

My 26 year streak of not seeing the Oscar best picture remains unbroken. Hail Gladiator!

As a teen I worked in a department store as a stocker. There was a special code that meant someone was stealing and stockers were supposed to rush to the front. First time it happened a coworker stopped me and said don't be stupid and showed me what to do: hide in the bathroom.

I'm a chess grandmaster*
(*I regularly beat elementary kids because I know all the rules and think more than one move ahead)

The one Trump campaign promise I agreed with was getting rid of daylight savings, and he fucks it up

Monte Testaccio is a hill made of about 50 million smashed Roman amphoras, each held 18 gallons of olive oil

Wow

I read in Hillbilly Elegy JD Vance would eat a whole tube of Jimmy Dean's Boot Clappin's for breakfast. Explains a lot.

A co-worker call the mud and dirt that comes off your boots when you smack them together "Boot Clappin's" which sounds like a Jimmy Dean's breakfast product.

Me, trying to eat lunch before the novacaine wears off

In the story of Humpty Dumpty it is never said that he is an egg. However, it is never said that he is NOT an egg. This means that any character in ANY story could be an egg unless explicitly stated otherwise. Keep that in mind when you read a Jack Reacher novel

Aldi figured it out. People will do anything for a quarter, even have good manners

All the other farms in the atlas just show some barns and maybe a show horse. This farmer insisted on including Beauty and Vanderbilt. I respect that.

Vanderbilt the hog

Vanderbilt, her sire