A light skinned baby in a penguin onesie belted into a baby seat. His hair is parted showing off his forehead.

Ok but look at the part in his hair.

Current depression level: Love Never Dies soundtrack on repeat.

Yeah.

Yeah. I know people who hate themselves often have a vibe that repels people. But jeez.

I hate that she dropped this “truth bomb” two minutes before the session ended.

I don’t think a statement can jolt you out of 46 years of self loathing, you know?

I lean more toward people pleasing the more anxious I get about people not liking me.

I think the statement runs the risk of turning me even more into a “pick me” girl and a people pleaser.

Thanks. Yeah. I guess it’s time to look.

I don’t know if she meant it like that but that’s definitely how it came out. Kinda toxic.

My therapist trotted out “it’s hard to like people who don’t like themselves” today and I’m not sure if that means I’m doomed and I should just stop trying to make friends, especially considering my lack of success, or if that means I need a different therapist.

Traffic report: “No problems hitting the 60 mph mark on 28.” There’s just one problem: 28 is 45 mph in the stretch he’d talking about. They’re not really speed limits in Pittsburgh. They’re more like speed suggestions.

Thanks.

I basically abused someone for 140,000 words last month.

I’m not nice to my characters tho lol

I guess it’s part of the depression that I’m super self conscious about everything right now.

True, true.

True. Sometimes my leisure activities stress me out. I get too much in my head about stuff.

I’m in an actual very busy, very packed coffee shop and wow. It is fucking loud. I hate this for me.

I mostly deal in distraction. I don’t know how effective it is and my therapist hasn’t really suggested other stuff so I don’t know. I’m feeling really self conscious about my current special interest though sooooo

OH MY GOD STOP TELLING PEOPLE TO TAKE PUBLIC TRANSIT THIS WEEK WHEN YOU ARE RUNNING ON SATURDAY HOURS. I HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW PRT. #pittsburgh #NFLDraft

I’m not particularly good at that 😂

Is he, though? Modern life is pretty anger-inducing. We are lucky he isn’t the Hulk full-time.

There's one reason the US has backed #Israel without any of the usual conditions we put on allies:

Christian nationalists want Israel to unleash the apocalypse so White Jesus will come kill their enemies.

Enemies, including Jews.

That, not #Soros or #AIPAC or any Jews, is why the US backs Israel.

Wow. I didn’t think of it like that. Yeah I was writing around 11,500 words a day. A pro writer strives for 2,000 words per day. I definitely haven’t been able to write anymore. There’s definitely a drop after you do something sustained and fun like a convention.

Thanks.

I dunno. It’s been like 13 years since I’ve had this happen and having it happen at all is a little depressing. I thought I was well managed, medication-wise, but I guess not. *sigh* 3/3

We upped the Abilify too but that was like a month ago cos of the stupid hypo-manic bullshit I had going on. Sleep is better but still kinda shitty. I’m sure that isn’t helping. I guess the depression is just the flip side of the manic crap. 2/3

Been having a serious bout of depression since I woke up this morning. With all the self-loathing and misery that come with. I’ll give it a few days and call the psych if it doesn’t get better. We did tweak my meds a little and as of last Monday I’m completely Wellbutrin-free. So I dunno. 1/3

I’m not sure if I feel better or worse after my giant duck adventure.