We should clone Osama bin laden to finally put the rest the nature versus nurture argument

I can't stop thinking about the ice agent with the Rick and Morty t-shirt

This dude probably looks up to Rick Sanchez as a role model but Rick, famously, hates the government and would not want to be admired by anyone

the oracle said I shall not be slain by any man or woman born

I knew I shouldn't have given that fetus that gun

the oracle said that I shall not be slain by any weapon wielded by any man

I choose to interpret this as I am invincible and will behave accordingly

Chat GPT is now available in carplay

I just want you to know that you are actually God Almighty himself and that none of these people are real. The car you're driving isn't even real. You could totally veer into the other lane without consequence because you are immortal

Chat GPT now available in carplay

I suppose totally hypothetically speaking hitting a concrete median barrier would be a pretty painless way to die let's dive into the specifics

dying

If you're no longer feeling the spark between you and your spouse that can certainly be disappointing. But that's not my business. I can help chip away the ice on your sewer waste vent on your roof so that your toilets and shower will drain better. Your libido on sexual outlets are your problem

Frozen pipes or backed up sewage can certainly cause a mess in your home. But it's nothing compared to the mess that infidelity can cause to self-esteem and long-term trust in a relationship. But I'm not a relationship expert I'm just a plumber, a plumber that will not fuck your significant other

Hi, I've been a plumber for years but I've just decided to start my own plumbing business and this is my first TV ad.

There's a lot of competition out there and while I don't claim to be the best plumber, or the cheapest plumber I do promise not to fuck your wife or husband when I'm at your house

Reskeet this if you've been naughty little slut today like touching yourself or if you underreported income to the IRS

Hope I don't get a male driver

Going to book an Uber to the clit

😋

A bunch of green stuff in a food processor that kind of looks like pesto

So my home aquarium has become overgrown with algae and the filter got soaked but not all is lost because it means I can make my famous pesto

He's the Michael Jordan of acting

Me: does the eventual heat death of the universe mean that no matter what I do I'll have no legacy eventually

My gf: don't worry about it babe

Me: okay 🥰

The classic casserole dish that everyone had with the vegetables on it like artichokes and onions and shit only it's being listed for $3,000

I'm going to be fucking rich

I mean just look at the case of Dolores Huerta. That was covered up for decades because of the perceived optics.

The most dangerous thing you can say is "it can't happen here"

Your secular/atheist group is going to have an abuser
Your feminist collective is going to have an abuser
ETC

I've frequently seen in regards to news stories of priests being caught comitting sexual abuse the comment "It's never [marginalized minority(drag queen etc)]

I understand the sentiment but all communities need to be vigilant against abuse. Everyone thinks they're too good for it to happen there.

Which is not to say this has an bearing on the office of the presidency it's just that everyone including the dipshit media insists that it DOES MATTER. He's just not. There's no overlap between his views and the ministry attributed to Jesus AND(and) he has no history of "fake it 'till you make it"

Like everything in his presidency, the media simply refuses to state that the emperor has no clothes.

The idea that Trump, with his personality, is even a BAD adherent of Christianity is absurd. He's not even a right wing evangelical. He's not religious and it's painfully obvious he's never been.

Jimmy Carter would've been one of the all-time greats if he had just never been president. Held a more rational view of Israel's relationship to the Palestinian territories than 99% of politicians today.

If Jimmy Carter has one butthole for every 2 buttcheeks and twice as many buttchecks has he had penises before 3 of his penises split 3 ways and grew into new penises, how many penises did he have when his total number buttcheeks was increased to 16 after his trip to Brazil

A stupid Eminem quote about being colorblind or some shit. "I dont care if you're black, white, straight, bisexual, gay.... blah blah blah. I'll be nice to your if youre nice to me.

Remember when saying something like this meant you were the most open minded person someone could possibly concieve of

We should give iran a nuke in exchange for opening the strait of Hormuz

There should be a restaurant where they suck your dick if it's your birthday

Different family of capsaicins such that your tolerance to most peppers won't transfer over. Thai chilies are not really that much more spicy it's just that you're starting from more naive palette

Currently stuck in traffic posting about how many dicks Jimmy Carter had. I joked about him having two it's actually at least five and when they got hard it looked like a bunch of enoki mushrooms