one day it'll stop.

i wish I was not this. anything would do. an animal, even

nothing knocks it out of me more than this 30 minutes of voice training

doing my best

gets to a point

bleugh. does it anyway

cannot get through 30 minutes of voice training without feeling profoundly humiliated

im not even allowed to like sex anymore because i am inherently a sexual object

it does make me feel a bit more like killing myself every time i see an artistic beautiful portrait of a trans woman's body and someone reblogs it with like. #in my mouth or whatever.

obviously at this point I really want it but I can't shake the feeling I'd fall under some invisible judgement for doing so. but the threat of living my entire life like this is interminable

body is terrible. body is the enemy. body aches and keeps me separated

hurts.

ugh

good heavens do not try to quote retweet dunk my 6 follower vent account. get out of here.

that might be fine but if any one project sekai player reads mizuki's story and feels something in their soul ache than it was worth it to create

could there be a cynical incentive in writing her that way? almost certainly...but that's the nature of material reality. if we assign queerbait to every heavily obvious relationship that acts like this to duck censorship, we will be left with nothing but our own works

like is she undeniably trans. yes. is she handled with a degree of care and affection that is usually absent in most depictions of her archetype. yes. but please listen to yourself: these were artistic decisions, not financial ones

"mizuki is a queerbait character to increase the game's profits" unbelievably funny sentence to type. notoriously profitable demographic, trans woman

girl on bsky flirting with me a bit and I just can't be bothered I'm so sorry

it sucks. it's impossible to not feel like the transness has stolen everything from me. even when it is a fleeting feeling, it still sucks

i wanted to be someone's wife, i wanted a manageable body, i wanted a manageable brain. i wanted to spend a lot of time swimming, and writing, and being loved and desired in the ways i wanted. but you play the cards you're dealt, i guess.

mmmm

bweh. nope. hate my body and the way people treat me too much

theoretically it's possible for me to get off. practically,

"why is this person with trans nb afab in their profile talking about their penis trauma in regards to women's public bathing - ohhhh. right right"

once you understand that the average person believes womanhood is 'have it once, have it for life' club and that trans women have never 'had it' the wave of sexual politics starts making more sense

ah. mmm

im never travelling anywhere without something to hold onto ever again

just posting shit because im lonely and tired

i should receive all of huqu's artistic talent so i can use it for good (the same stuff but in a tgirl honoring way)