Hi bloomfies

Uhh

🥸

Had so much alcohol yesterday my Apple face ID doesn’t recognise me today

Why do old people often have such gigantic bulges does that mean their nut suck is inflamed?

😳

I feel like we as a society cannot heal until the majority of people realise you cannot keep asking random strangers for cigarettes when you’re drunk

Why do straight men always feel the need to start boxing in the air at the gym like can we not

Got a promotion this week I’m one step closer to becoming someone’s sugar daddy

Me tomorrow morning waking up to Interpol next to my bed after publicly thirsting over Luigi Mangione

I know….

The fact this is a real person oh my god viva españa

I’m devastated

Not even a joke I know two Italians who are named Luigi both are so hung dick giving beluga whale

But he’s Italian…

Uncut people should never go to jail the cost for society is simply too high

We literally held hands and like were all over each other fffff 💀 He’s like are you single I’m like yes. He says: I have a girlfriend of 8 years…. Never done this with a guy before. I look at him like oh wow 😶 and he puts his hand inbetween my crotch and shoves his tongue in my mouth LMAOOOO

Something CRAZY happened a few hours ago ☠️ I’m sitting next to this cute Mediterranean guy in the train and we’re like looking at each other. Don’t ask me how but we suddenly start making out hfjdjdjdjdhdjsjsjsjs

My boss eats like 6 sandwiches during lunch break

Is it ethical to order food when there’s a literal hurricane outside. I’m so hungry but I don’t wanna go out

I always said I wanted a boyfriend but the thought of another man in my house right now… HELL NO

It’s a knife when someone else takes the gym machine you’re about to use

Just saw a scat lovers of bluesky list going around

Hfjdjs this company…

Me getting jumped by two twinks at the club last weekend

The girls that get it, get it

Might need that circumcised neoliberal Ottawa CAWK

Wearing a hoodie at the gym

I’m gay but not that gay!

They first have to find it on a map x