American "Chinese" food is just sticky meat candy for when you're sad.

Worry Disco Pinkstone · Album · 2025 · 13 songs

My new album, featuring BGVs by Sami Michelsen, guest guitar by Joe DeRosa, and mixes by Kristofer Sampson, is out today.

The Terrible Future

My new single "The Terrible Future," featuring guitar by Joe DeRosa and artwork by @willpottorff.bsky.social, is out today.

Starting to think maybe I should sell all my Hawk Tuah Coin.

Hey Satan Pinkstone · Single · 2025 · 1 songs

"Hey Satan," the first single from my upcoming album Worry Disco, is now streaming. BGVs by Sami Michelsen, mix by Kristofer Sampson, and artwork by @willpottorff.bsky.social

New single drops tomorrow. Artwork by @willpottorff.bsky.social

When dudes on Bridgerton bust a nut, they probably yell something like, "I am arriving forthright!"

Ayn Rand and Ani DiFranco both have that unique kind of name that can only be properly pronounced by two people: one to say it, and another to correct them.

It's so hard to watch Severance knowing that Mark has wound up in a position where these two strong, beautiful women both desperately want him, what possible solution could there be for such a dilemma

The roof in my local Home Depot leaks, which is just terrible for their image.

The dumbest people I have ever met all had one thing in common: they assumed everything they didn't understand was some kind of trick.

Those are exactly the two games I, too, demand--but the speedy version of Ms. Pac-Man. Cheers.

Danzig's "horror" lyrics are so simple and literal, it's like he's just describing a cartoon on the back of a box of Frankenberry.

When I was thirteen, I told my girlfriend she was a "fallen angel with the devil's charm."

I stole it from a Dokken song.

World Party has a handful of songs I consider stone-cold classics.

I tried to kill a moth in the kitchen, and just ended up applauding it.

Fritos are dark meat tortilla chips.

My coworker made this. I asked if they were getting ready for the big test, but they didn't understand the joke.

With Freedy Johnston after his wonderful show in Decatur, GA last night.

I don't know who needs to hear this, but probably the visually impaired.

NATURE FACT: A group of Floridians is called a "felony."

The worst part about working from home is that people keep calling and waking you up.

Oh, no, not yours. I meant, like, *other people's* kids are stupid.

Every day when I see my colorblind coworker, I tell him which color his shirt is.