…and being kinda flirty the whole way, which I never do anymore. So strange. Weird feelings, weird thoughts.

Omg the dreams. Or dream? It felt like one continuous flowing thing, but with so much happening; being late for work, no call no showing, going to the casino I worked at and seeing all my old fave players, packing for a move or a vacation?, talking to men doing work in another area of the casino…

Looking up at the blue sky through some beautiful back-lit cherry blossoms.

It’s a beautiful day

🫨🫠 One of my favorite directors replied to my DM on instagram??? Did not think he would, omg. 😅 He’s so nice! All I said was that I took the day off so I can go see his newest movie and he said he’s thankful and he hopes it’s worth missing work! 💙

Michael Crichton Height: 6'9" this man was tall as hell

Also, nice.

OH, LMAO, okay, thank you. 🤣♥️

British? Cuz it’s giving British.

🎶i’m a bitch…🎶

I'm $170/250 for medicine I need. Sorry for begging. Please take a look at my art and consider throwing some cash at me. Thank you all for looking at my art, sharing these posts and helping out. I'm trying my best to get into a position to live without help.

I’m tickled, but mildly confused; this guy doesn’t look like Michael Crichton…?

I'm not feeling very well, but I'm awake. Please keep me in your thoughts today.

Finally outta there and home and showering and then I’m laying the fuck down. But, boss said today that she’s really grateful to have me in the kitchen and that she knows she can trust me to run it when she’s not there. 😭😭🥹🥹♥️♥️ It felt amazing to hear, and I’m so grateful she said it!

Came back, felt okay for twenty minutes, then felt sick again. Camped out in the bathroom (where there’s AC) for prolly 15 minutes, trying not to puke again, just taking deep breaths. I felt okay enough, came back out and helped close down, but fuck. It was rough.

Until I suddenly was overcome with nausea. Now, the kitchen is obviously pretty warm, and it was about 73F today, so it was a little stuffy, too, and we had fans set up, but they weren’t doing much. I had to kind of run to the bathroom to throw up. It sucked.

Then, we started getting orders. Then we never stopped getting orders. The boss hopped on the flat top and took over for me which I was ~so~ grateful for, and I took over the sandwich/salad station and backups for the line. We eventually got through it and everything was fine.

So today was BONKERS. Started the day very good and very happy, boss’ husband (and boss) is very on my side regarding the other chef, so everything’s good with me. 🙌🏻 I always have like a 2% doubt in myself, lol, but that was quite reassuring.

You know what matters to me waaaaaaaaay more than a man’s height? His ability to wear pants that fucking fit. Men who wear their pants under their ass, WITH A BELT ON, piss me off so bad. Please stop. Your undies are nasty and you look stupid.

I remember grabbing an empty box and just scooping all my knick-knacks and shit off a shelf, or off a dresser, and thinking I needed at least one more box for all my shit. 😫 It was weirdly stressful.

Straight up, all I remember from my dreams is getting new tooth gems and, yet again, moving out of a place but not being able to pack all my stuff quickly enough.

Oh, extremely true for me as well. I’m on my third car in a year? I’ve prolly never been broker - which, I also sometimes fantasize about being in a horrendous life-altering accident that puts me in the hospital, and I could never afford that, but my brain dreams of it occasionally. So bizarre.

Sorry to be so…macabre? I trust yall, you guys are smart, and I’m too broke for therapy but I love to learn. 🙃

However, I would never actually hurt myself - death is my biggest fear and thinking about it gives me paralyzing panic attacks. I read today that that line of thinking can sometimes be associated with OCD. (1) is that true? (2) are those fairly common intrusive thoughts? What’re some of yours?

I have intrusive thoughts about self-harm very often. Like, almost to the point of feeling inescapable at times (usually when I’m driving). I frequently think about swerving slightly and crashing head-on into other cars, overpasses, people, whatever. Anything sharp around, I imagine hurting myself.

Sanic and Knackles

Shirt

Choose your own adventure

Monday v Friday

Tried the spicy sweet chili Doritos and found they were too spicy for me, and now I feel very German and not very Mexican. 😅😅

on january 1, 2027, one of you please return to this post and ask me if I bought less than ten games for the rest of the year

current list of 2026 games i am thinking about:

ace combat 8
control resonant
first light
forza horizon 6
e-day
onimusha
tomb raider atlantis
zero parades

Home and clean and actually feeling capable of cooking something! But it’s warm out, and a lunch meat sammy sounds pretty good.