Never thought I'd write a newsletter that mentioned dead raccoon dicks, but here we are Gonzo Report #145

Never thought I'd write a newsletter that mentioned dead raccoon dicks, but here we are. This used to be a serious newsletter.

gonzoreport.substack.com/p/apr-16-2026

Wham. Bam. Fuck you, Pam. Gonzo Report #144

What do you get when you mix toxic landfill runoff and excess grease trap waste from a Mar-a-Lago buffet with whatever septic detritus lies at the bottom of Steve Bannon's laundry hamper?

gonzoreport.substack.com/p/apr-5-2026

Have you ever wondered what it's like inside the Whipple Detention Center? Well, Brandon Siguenza explains his experience being detained there (and it's really gross).

Over the past few weeks, the UMD Bulldogs, Merrimack Warriors, Wisconsin Badgers, Texas Longhorns, and Santa Clara Broncos, all flew their teams on this particular jet - Eastern Air Express's N808TJ.

Today it flew shackled ICE detainees between Texas, Nebraska, Minnesota, and Louisiana. 🧵

Wham. Bam. Fuck you, Pam. Gonzo Report #144

What do you get when you mix toxic landfill runoff and excess grease trap waste from a Mar-a-Lago buffet with whatever septic detritus lies at the bottom of Steve Bannon's laundry hamper?

gonzoreport.substack.com/p/apr-5-2026

Okay, hear me out—gas chambers but this time they’re for the Nazis.

Hey, who do you think you are the New York Times or something?

Okay, hear me out—gas chambers but this time they’re for the Nazis.

@newtgingrich OR! Or—and hear me out on this one—you could FUCK OFF making such batshit insane suggestions while we have a trigger happy, raving lunatic in the White House who once suggested we nuke a hurricane. (No, seriously, fuck off.)

Israel has expanded it’s genocide into Iran. Fuck Israel.

Operation Useful Idiot and The Art of the War Crime How a draft-dodging convicted criminal took America to war without Congress or cause

I have a strong hunch we’re about to learn that bone spurs are a hereditary trait.

Operation Useful Idiot and The Art of the War Crime
gonzoreport.substack.com/p/mar-2-2026

BREAKING: Kash Patel is a cross-eyed freak who can fuck off into the sun.

Operation Useful Idiot and The Art of the War Crime How a draft-dodging convicted criminal took America to war without Congress or cause

I have a strong hunch we’re about to learn that bone spurs are a hereditary trait.

Operation Useful Idiot and The Art of the War Crime
gonzoreport.substack.com/p/mar-2-2026

you guys I think maybe he meant “know new wars”

🙏

BREAKING NEWS: Barron Trump has just been diagnosed with bone spurs.

Seriously! This is like the 5th dumbass headline I’ve seen like this today.

The virus killed my uncle in just four days during the initial wave. He died alone in the ICU on a ventilator because nobody was allowed in the room. These trolls want to make a “comedy” out of it.

If anyone, Trump knows all about being bankrupt. Financially, but especially morally and ethically…

Justice for Dr. Linda Davis. ICE must be held accountable for the deadly chain of events and the cruel aftermath.

Her memory lives on in every life she touched.

You can joke about Pam Bondi’s ridiculous unprofessionalism all you want, but I’m deeply shocked by it: She acts as if she fears absolutely no consequences, convinced that there will be no more political power transfers. — This should shake everyone to their core.

Do you get the feeling she is about to come apart right in front of the committee?

Her reference to the Dow and S&P….

I can’t even imagine 🍊💩 will be pleased with her theatrics today.

Sham Blondi is as dirty and corrupt as they come.

Sham Blondi

Sham Blondi is a vile and reprehensible KKKuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuunt.

Sham Blondi is a vile and reprehensible kkkuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuunt.

Same here. Didn’t even know this level of exhaustion was possible. Wish I still didn’t know.

When this is all over, we need to sue the government for emotional distress.

Jesus White Supremacy Christ I am exhausted. Are you exhausted? I am exhausted.

“This isn’t a moment, it’s a movement”