so funnily enough i JUST saw a tourism ad that read like a love letter trying to pull on Canadians' heartstrings to entice them to come back to California

oh my god

I was happy for the relationship, happy for them when my friend was proposed to, I was even excited for them. Then some time later this person saw my name, again on a post about apples, and had a cow. He assumed people were talking behind his back, we weren't, said he was lied about, he wasn't.

I was just worried about serial monogamy because I've witnessed it and it's not healthy, I felt my friend was at risk for an unhealthy relationship, I was right, but didn't know that at the time. I became friends again with the person, they literally never said they had broken up though?

One of my favorite things about having a dog is making up a language with them, random word means something

Karma knows horrrrgrotos means hungry/it's dinner time

As asparagus is ausparagoos

Hey there, like your oc, they're cute!

I miss my Facebook friends all the time now, I almost want to go back to Facebook but I hate meta so much I don't want to use their platforms
It's almost as bad as Twitter these days with AI usage and hate content being allowed.

I know I talk about cheetahs and smilodons a lot but technically my favorite animal is spotted hyenas, they're so goofy for apex predators and they are more socially intelligent in certain test than chimpanzees. They have such a bed reputation but they're really neat

Hey y’all, I’m looking for marginalized owned small businesses that sell compression items (both disability and gender affirming). Especially looking for ones that sell EDS jewelry, back braces, or compression sleeves.

(Already know and love Bibipins/ @bibicosplays.bsky.social)

Thanks 💜

I'm probably more harsh about it due to autistic sense of justice, which doesn't necessarily mean I'm right or just, simply means if I believe my idea of just is correct I will drag my heels into the ground over it and almost nothing will make me think otherwise.

Shit I cut off the good majority of my family and I've cut off long term friends even for the smallest of offenses, I am NOT a tolerant person.
Honestly it's exhausting and kinda miserable at times.

Tolerance of certain things and being a tolerant person aren't the same thing, the left understands the paradox of tolerance and how dangerous it is.

We never claimed to be tolerant people because we aren't and we recognize that

The concept of "The tolerant left" is so funny to me because it's a lie made by the right wing and I think other right wing people believe it's something the left called ourselves and they use it as a gotcha.

We never said we're tolerant
We tolerate people of other cultures, sexualities, etc

You ever miss a dog that belongs to a really shitty person

There's a dog named Ye after Kanye West unfortunately, and his owner is a Trump loving crypto bro, I could still go see him technically because my brother's friend owns him, but I'd rather not be around those people

An ink unicorn drawing. The unicorn is loosely based on rhinos and okapi

Would you like to give a unicorn a home? Well, you can do that AND feed my kitty boy for about 2 months by buying this. Pm me if interested!

I'm also on three mood stabilizers, Depakote 500 twice a day, Gabapentin 300 three times a day, Lamictal 150 two times a day, going to ask about going back to 400mg gabapentin four times a day because that was my old dose, may up my lamictal too. I'll be a zombie for about a month, but it'll help

I am seeking help. Talk therapy doesn't help, EMDR didn't work, TRE didn't work. Going to try CBT and DBT once weekly, potentially twice weekly if my insurance and schedule allows it. If that doesn't work I will try TMS. If that doesn't work I'll try ECT.

Also, yeah I know this is all fucked up, I know this isn't normal or acceptable behavior or emotional reactions. I know these compulsive behaviors aren't normal and are dangerous. I am very mentally fucked and I feel great shame because of it.

I think about it a lot, never as a plan, more of an intrusive fear, but it's something that's a possibility with a car, and all it would take is a little switch in my brain to flicker.

The other issue is emotional instability. Many days I don't want to die, it's on my mind always, but it's usually more of an intrusive thought. I'm terrified of getting triggered, getting into my car, getting it as fast as I can, unbuckle my seatbelt, and crash into a bridge.

A safer way to satisfy this urge would be taking a bus or train that's prepaid for, go somewhere where you prepaid for a hotel, hang out for a few days, and go home

I like taking the Greyhound to Flagstaff, and I really want to ride the Amtrak.

Without a car these options are more tempting

With a car, this is easy, I can put all my money into gas money, fuck rent, fuck food, fuck everything else, get away from here. But then I'll come down, get stranded with no idea where I am with no money to get home or even eat.

I move frequently because of this, my manic episodes I imagine being a van lifer, my brain tells me to "go away go away go somewhere else" no matter where I move though, my contentment is temporary, lasting a few months, then I want to leave again.

I also frequently dream of taking a car and just disappear somewhere with no idea where I am going somewhere, it's called "flight from reality" which is somewhat common in bipolar manic episode during times of stress or unhappiness in a specific area.

So what does this stuff all have to do with driving? Well, I am scared I'll not be paying attention, crashing or running someone over, I don't want to hurt anyone let alone kill them, a fast moving hunk of metal scares tf out of me.

I also suffer intense fear of abandonment, caused over simple things like people hanging out with different friends and not inviting me.

I have other massive problems due to my OSPD but they aren't related so not going into it lol

Due to my instability, this makes my emotions incredibly unpredictable and made exponentially worse when stress is involved, and I am frequently stressed. Told no over the smallest thing like "can I please borrow a pencil" sends me into an emotional mess from extreme RSD due to AVPD traits.

My biggest issue is my bipolar and personality disorders

I'm incredibly unstable and often suicidal, I have almost no impulse control, which usually just results in excessive shop therapy, attempted sui* once, but failed thankfully ( or unfortunately, depending on how I feels during that day)

The CRTV was in the trunk when the crash thankfully.

Anyways I got sidetracked I'll continue lol

I'm also incredibly unfocused, constantly forgetting what I'm doing, I'm directionally challenged, struggling to follow easy directions and forgetting paths I've taken many times over.