I tried to have family tea each night back in Texas in the weeks after Mom died—Dad and my brother and I navigating rough seas. Grandma Taylor's hexagonal cup, Mom's yellow Corelle Butterfly Gold with lead and cadmium paint.

Last year was hell. Most of my close family members died—my two remaining uncles with whom I was close, my mom, and my beloved 17-year-old best friend and cat, Moonshine. So much of me died inside—but I kept going, kept working, kept creating, kept speaking out. I drank a lot of tea. #ilovetea

I am a big brat who screams in the car.

Someday when I’m free I’ll write, said the bird in a cage of pens.

#Ostara

Just making a note that in my travels over the last week I saw two cyber trucks beached on the side of the road—one in Aurora, Colorado, and one in Temecula, California.

Started to sing after a few times through. And that's what killed me. The words. The damn words. Next thing, boom, I was overwhelmed with sobbing. Can't make it through the songs I want to sing. Because of grief for the dead dreams. Dead hope. Dead because people support inhumanity. Openly.

I started to work out my arrangement and it felt good and was going well. A vibe for peace and harmony eeking its way into my interpretation.

The piano still needs to be tuned. Has a honky-tonk tone in its need.

I decided to play the piano this evening, flipping through old pop and folk songbooks from the 60's-80's—settling on "One Tin Soldier," chords already transposed.

Scottish Breakfast & Yorkshire Gold in some kitschy springtime yellow daffodil Churchill teapot and peony Noritake cup and an un-IDed rosy porcelain tray

Scottish Breakfast & Yorkshire Gold in some kitschy springtime yellow daffodil Churchill and peony Noritake and an un-IDed rosy porcelain tray #ilovetea

I’m just going to say it. I still wish the people that we love had had our back. Especially family.

Yorkshire red & catlap. #ilovetea

I love the kind souls of Canada. 🇨🇦

Uuugh, and they didn't do an orchestrated exodus? I mean.

Let's build up this platform more. I am tired of Zuck.

Patsy Cline on the turntable tonight.

Oh, it’s Saturday. I think I’ll spend some time working on my new song “Waiting for Certain Someones to Drop Dead,” fix some raised beds, cook up a nice mess for brunch, stretch out my stressed out spine on the floor, and pretend things will ever be okay.

I had one of these and it was awesome! I must have lost it a few moves ago.

Mismatched but almost goes like the ivory emoji teapot 🫖, Noritake classic cup with afternoon Scottish breakfast on a tray before a window

Another afternoon Scottish breakfast as the U.S. nation comes unglued. #ilovetea

The anxiety wellspring is fed and full flowing.

I've always kept journal-type statements like that about the weather. Just to make a minuscule observation. A measurement just with a few words.

The weather today was heartbreakingly beautiful. Warm. Soft. Not at all damp.

Rose medallion pattern saucer with red pink green gold paintings of courtyard scenes

This way I still appreciate something old from another generation. Tea looks strong. And today, an unusual spoonful of sugar for the dash.

Mismatched hippie mountain sunrise mug with rose medallion china saucer, metal strainer filled with Applause CTC assam tea

I would have used the teacups that go with these saucers, but they frankly aren’t large enough—and also, well, the lead paint. #ilovetea

And I just stayed there and stared off into the distance for a very long time.

Thank you. Will repeat to myself today a few times that I am the divine.

Is spirit greater than billionaire? Not so sure.

Yes, I realize that this isn't everyone's experience. I'll deal, but something I wish folks truly could comprehend about those of us that are disabled: we are maxed out all the time, and we have to recuperate–just to move on to the next thing to solve with all the same honed yet invisible skills.

How to explain that I need the tones of voice to help me decode, but also that every voice sounds like screaming noise? How to explain that I can't read the transcription, the chat, and click and follow in separate docs all at the same time? How to explain that I want to keen full-soul?

Uuuuuuugh. Zoom and other "planning" meetings zap the life out of me. I'm profoundly hard of hearing, and even though live transcription attempts help somewhat, it is a lot of contextual piecemeal. It literally takes me an hour or more to recuperate. I just want to melt into nothingness right now.