anyone: how are you

me: (several swords are sticking out of my body and i actually died three hours ago) doing good

just lost my glasses for about 20 minutes. folks they were on my head. how original. 🙄

That's quite a copliment 🏆👑 Congratulations @daddyjew.bsky.social from @hellomanders.bsky.social

way too cold for a kilt

you have the wrong kilt on apparently

Good morning, only 15 more hours until I get to go back to bed

I'm mostly peace, love and light and a little go fuck yourself

Happy Tuesday, friendly people and pretty grumps!

Logged in to being put on a mod list called "Spam". Don't let other people get to you.

Grab your cup and let's get it!

#Derry #DerryGirls #derrycity 🤣😂🔄🇮🇪

This day in history. 2015. National Tea Day in the United Kingdom. Dreadful stuff, tea. Poisons the insides and breaks the spirit. My uncle Petey gave up whisky and switched to tea and never pulled a quarter out of my ear again.

[overheard] *tinnitus*

the fun has left the building

20 years of pickup truck design progress in one photo

why don’t cartons of detergent have pictures of missing socks on them

what’s the most kings hawaiian rolls you think you could realistically eat. 30? 40? i think i could put away 40 kings hawaiian rolls no problem

ive known a lot of stoners and I think they smoke pot on the not 420 days too

universal feelings of soul-crushing rejection amirite

sorry if i seem kinda dumb today, it’s just that i’m dumb

I'm not saying I smoke a lot of weed but my credit score is 420

I think I’ve experienced enough lifetime trauma to justify becoming a serial killer and I’m honestly a little annoyed I turned out to be a people pleaser instead.

The sax solo is right behind me isn't it?

*flirting* you have great teeth

There was no descent into madness. I did a cannonball.

I’m at the age where any discomfort could be the end

i meant to eat a handful of blueberries but i accidentally on purpose ate a sleeve of Oreos oopsy my bad 😬

Only 7 hours left in the work day. No point in starting something new.

If you need me I’ll be standing out in the thunderstorm waiting for the lightning to hit just right

A journey around the world, but it’s just me exploring you.

Just teleport me to the waffle house already.

My favourite toe is potatoes

All I’m saying is if I was going to write a book about a boy who never grew up, I wouldn’t have called him Peter Pan. I would’ve named him Constanteen.