it can be a compliment or an insult but one way or another the best musician in your town is making the worst music you’ve ever heard

Sober in the club asking the hot bartender if she will make me a chamomile so I can nap in the VIP section

I smell like unseasoned ground beef right now if anyone wanna come over

e injections + prog does the job wonderfully

remarkable that Judas Priest wrote both Living After Midnight AND Painkiller it’s like if the same movie director made both Happy Feet and Mad Max

introducing the band !!! to a Zoomer friend and her main takeaway is they have terrible SEO

Arugula is a cowards vegetable, son. Go on n fetch me something I’m allergic to

Sick in bed feeling like Julian of Norwich receiving graphic visions of the Wounds of Christ the Mother but I’m just scrolling sapphic instagram reels

What’s a good alternative to poly secure I would have to say Il Purgatorio

I know I post good because every time I do it my HUD flashes an exp gain indicator

You liked Stone Butch Blues? Hell yeah you should check out Crime & Punishment

My toxic trait is when friends ask for book recommendations on topics of queerness and love and communication I always tell them to read some shit like Gravity’s Rainbow

A good way to cope is to dream you are trapped inside a reflective geodesic dome and each mirrored surface shows a horrific scene of your past and if you touch one you enter it and embody the memory of suffering. Hope this helps!

I locked eyes with Bill Murray from the opposite side of an electronics store in 2009 and his eyes were so fucking blue I gasped before I realized it was him

Get hoisted, petard

Sorry for speaking hornily of the deceased

Well ma’am my story is that 10 years ago today God spoke to me in the back seat of a Chrysler and gave me the pickup line I used to meet the woman who’s my wife now. That’s why I’m out here spreadin the good word today. What was the line, you ask? Well! it was “I am the Forrest Gump of Jacking Off”

Hindsight’s 20/20 I’m two thousand and late

Being a professional transgender sound tech for 5 years has taught me that if I had followed through with ideas I had in 2017 I would be Ethel Cain by now

bro is in the garden confusing biblically accurate cherubs for dragons

bro thinks he is in the Madeline l’Engel novel A Wind In The Door and he is going to shrink down to a sub-cellular size in order to prevent demons from destroying children’s mitochondria by finding out that love is the answer

oedi van halen

i saw god and the devil and they were sixty nining

cant stop thinking about the time someone said to me unprompted and with wide childlike eyes, “are you mixed Scottish and Jewish??” to which i replied “idk” and they said with grave severity “you should look into that”

i think my least favorite sound in any/every genre of live rock music is repeated washy cymbal crashes, like bro we are GOING to hear the cymbals you do NOT need to hit them that hard

it’s also a hacky convention but that’s a different conversation

my coworker asked “how do you keep so level headed under pressure here” i said baby spend the weekend in jail a few times and ask me again

man at bar points at my psychedelic metatron shoulder piece and says “i like your tattoo, i have something similar goin on” and then pulled up his shirt sleeve to reveal a simple skull. sir i have devoted myself as a holy medium where do u get off

😞 dudes rock

a baddie gave me a hug 3 hours ago and i still smell like her perfume, how do i learn this sorcery

embarrassed to admit how many time i have been IRL queerbaited