pretty confusing that drug companies market directly to the consumer but i’m wondering how a med that can cause severe, life threatening taint infections made it to market at all

in the end, any form of potato you eat becomes mashed potato and i think that’s beautiful

i’m not saying my roomba, vincent, has become sentient, but i do think it’s interesting that on three separate occasions he has herded my asshole cat into my closet and trapped her there

i’m not religious at all but my money is honestly on the pope giving trump the slaps

i am too gullible to exist on this day i fear

if i’ve learned anything from this administration it’s that we must protect children from the gays and not from powerful pedo men who would rape them, murder them, and also eat them

watching chappell roan face more consequences for her security doing their actual job than anyone involved in the epstein files was actually on my bingo card

now that we are in world war 3 and everything is terrible, i think we could find a new way to package cinnamon rolls. my anxiety levels simply cannot handle exploding cans any longer

gonna be diagnosed with spite™️

i love the american healthcare system because it gives me reasons to live. for instance, i have to have an important medical test that is relatively urgent and the soonest i can schedule that test is november. meaning i have to live until then to be proven right about my own body

i would love to try and explain this post to me from a year ago

i would like to nominate all of dadtok for the forthcoming patriot games

my kids like to play this fun game where we go out to a store on a weekend and they act like i abducted them from the wolves that were raising them and this is their first day being near humans. their crimes are completely new to history and yet still a clear violation of the geneva conventions

an irish horror film but it’s just the two hours that the sun comes out this month and burns everyone’s delicate, soaking wet skin

i find snow white confusing bc there’s no way you can convince me to just eat an apple randomly. unless you tell me it’s poisoned and then i am in

personally i enjoy that humans created artificial intelligence and then immediately gave it anxiety and depression

it’s a horrifying giant fish pizza oven

her: you better not be a giant fish pizza oven when i get there

me:

i have eaten
the homophobic chicken
that you left on the counter
which you were probably saving
for munchies later

forgive me
i had extra honey mustard and
no restraint

if i had a nickel for every time we started doing unconstitutional war crimes in the middle east with a clown for president i’d have ,,,, wow that’s actually quite a few nickels ngl

started at the bottom and somehow made way more bottom to be at

sorry i am fresh out of progress, gonna try regressing this year

dear diary, it’s day 2 of the blizzard. i can only open one door of my house. my youngest child has resorted to making balloons from ziplock bags. my older child is in the bathtub with a snorkel. the colour of green grass is but a mere memory

it reminds me every time that english is a garbage language made from garbage

just fyi i am at capacity for caring about monkeys. thanks in advance

i am choosing to believe this instead of ruminating on why i cannot make a simple phone call without crying first

people in their 30s when i was a kid seemed so much more adult than i do in my 30s and i have realised it was probably because of all the being able to comfortably afford life on one income

happy birthday prince bitch, we all chipped in and got you some consequences for your actions

i do not have a drug problem, i have a drug solution. everything in my life other than drugs is the problem

missing the good old days when eggs were two dollars and we could successfully impeach a president for sexual misconduct

sure life sucks but at least we have pancake tuesday