Couldn’t catch up with a drunk weekend dad in boat shoes?

Is there a single thing this administration has done to make life easier?

Seeing a Chick-fil-A ad on Grindr just kinda makes sense in today’s world.

But I told the first story about catching Rona from group sex when restrictions loosened up.

Any way last call came like 10 minutes later and we went out separate ways.

I hope his ac works but not well in this heatwave.

I get to the last guy (group of 4-5 including me) and ask him, cause there has been a couple funny stories.

He sighs and goes “it seems you really wanna tell us your story so just do it.”

All long suffering and bothered.

Idk why but just had a flashback to a conversation with a group of casual friends like a year after lockdown ended. We were talking about the pandy and how things went so I asked them what the craziest thing the did during that time was.

We’re two weeks out from the all star break seeing NL teams is … fun. But honestly id like some more division play.

It’s 5am and I’m thinking about this current baseball season and why my team isn’t playing our division much. How have we played NYY & Reds twice already but have only had 3 games against the white Sox, and 4 against the tigers.

Finally had my last straw with threads.
So I’m back here.

Incredibly detailed records.
Find every single tax credit you qualify for.
Deductions galore.
Charitable and tax deductible donations.

Kitty Pride agrees.

It’s weird thinking about the first time this asshole was in office and realizing how that incompetent group managed to keep so much normalcy together.

Yeah, they fucked everything like cowboys at a cathouse on payday. But at least they left the buildings standing.

'I don't have anybody': Adoptive teen son of a KY governor talks about life on his own • Kentucky Lantern Jonah Bevin, adoptive son of former Kentucky Gov. Matt Bevin, is speaking out to expose the abuse he and other boys suffered in a facility in Jamaica.

Well it doesn’t get much more evil than this.

kentuckylantern.com/2025/02/28/i...

I love when my phone updates and I get to spend 15 minutes turning off new settings.

If any of my friends are secretly space aliens and have room for a plus one leaving the planet…my towel is ready.

So long and thanks for all the fish.

I feel bad for historians who have to fight the excitement of being in a massively important era of history, with having to live on the inside of it.

Why did I just see an ad for a local dog trainer that ended with “sorry we don’t train wives or kids”?

Fergie should have been the one to sing at the inauguration, it's what we as a country deserve

Contrary to what Kristen Bell taught me, standing outside and screaming “this is the bad place”, doesn’t reset the universe to somewhere pleasant.

Having friends with kids is weird cause I’m literally talking to the same cum I spit out.

Remember to sin extra hard this Mardi Gras or the Easter Bunny won’t bring back Jesus at the end of Lent and evangelicals will have to spend another year being dicks to bring on the rapture.

Leap year is awesome because it’s like getting 24 hours of PTO you can cash in whenever you feel like you wasted too much time.

In 2024 I will not be fighting with:

- a man with an unwashed ass
- a woman who needs to get her oil changed
- a non-binary who is dressed like an 80s mom

Pulled into the Chilis that my cousin told me he was using me as a cover story -to his girlfriend now wife, for why he was selling nudes to some guy to pay their mortgage- and I found a different reason to be reconsider my dining options.

Fuck voting for them, I will gargle the genitals of any president who can get us a livable wage and healthcare.

I get it we’re an evil empire, our rulers are paid for, and there is no hope. But like 22$ an hour might make a bitch complacent.

NGL I’m more than a little jealous of the comics picked my onlyfans.

Performing fully clothed with shoes on, lucky fucks.

Can we get OF kids here already? I’d like to get rid of X.

I’m 35 years old so i am 100% not “go to 2 different fast food restaurants and sit in a shaded area and Shane eat too much food” hungover. Cause that’s 32 year old behavior.

On Married With Children, Al Bundy while giving advice to his son Bud said

“I wish you were alive back when I was…”

And everyday I understand these words more and more.