HE SAT ON HER #SummerHouse

“DRAG THAT MAN THROUGH THE MUD” 🙌🏻 Best exit line since “what the hell, guys” #Survivor50

*searching high and low for a volunteer*

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

“To keeping it in the family” — that’s quite a toast from Kyle #SummerHouse

Jeff really said, “Now, you’re sending THREE home!” #Survivor50

When I was making my picks for fantasy #Survivor50 this week, it never occurred to me that Purple could lose. Now, wondering why I was so sure, I realize:

Every time I looked at Purple, I saw Challenge Beast Mike White right in the front row.

I love that the theme of this tribe swap is hurt feelings #Survivor50

Is anyone else concerned that quinoa looks like tiny condoms?

My favorite thing about #RHOA Season 9 is how hard they all laughed anytime someone said “camel toe.”

Someone tell me when #Survivor49 is back. I’d rather drink Sage’s jar of blackheads than listen to this speech.

A #DWTS pro would hate to see me coming.

Can you walk in heels?
No.

Can you do a split?
No.

Can I lift you?
I’m scared of heights.

I don’t know what E. Jean Carroll wants more: a conviction or for me to look at the PDF accompanying her audiobook.

They really made the Islanders stay half naked with their parents #LoveIslandUSA

These nonsense challenges are definitely just enrichment for the Islanders like we do for pets and zoo animals #LoveIslandUSA

Love to see women excelling in traditional men’s work (disappointing us) #LoveIslandUSA

Amaya Papaya is perfect and I love her. Hurricane Huda is imperfect and I love her. #LoveIslandUSA

Cierra: “I want to watch a movie on the couch together, go to coffee shops, go thrifting…”

Nic: “…go skydiving.”

He really yes and-ed too close to the sun #LoveIslandUSA

Watching #RHOA Season 7, and I think if I took a drink every time someone said Roger Bobb, I could just about forget the state of the world.

"GOOD FUCKING RIDDANCE"

“She got Taylor at home!”

The Taylor at home: 🤡

#LoveIslandUSA

The votes are in and…

Love Island is an insane show. Imagine walking into a backyard and someone is like, “Wanna play a game? Kiss seven strangers now.” It’s like if Jigsaw were horny. #loveislandusa

I have so much graditually for Amaya Papaya. Her soul is too pure for this world #LoveIslandUSA

Sorry but the correct response to “She has a kid?” is “No, she’s a mommy” #LoveIslandUSA

Does a spray tan artist go to the same art school as a Subway sandwich artist? #LoveIslandUSA

My favorite hobby is fast-forwarding through the Brit and the blonde, and then complaining about how they give us nothing and are barely there #LoveIslandUSA

🙋🏻‍♀️

Voting results from a Love Island USA poll asking who should go on a date next. Sadly, Ace and Amaya are in last place with 1.9%

All these couples suck and the only answer is to send Ace and Amaya on a date just for the lols — c’mon voters! #LoveIslandUSA

Justina Machado is great at crying on cue, and it turns out, I am great at crying on Justina Machado’s cue #RealWomenHaveCurves