Heaven Inc. “Monthly AR Report” (AR = Angelic Resources) for March, filed under Incident #69: Unauthorised Seasonal Shift.
Subject is listed as Aziraphale, Principality, Eastern Gate Division, Retired. Filed by the Environmental Miracles Oversight Committee.
The report details unauthorised spring conditions including spontaneous blossoms growing through marble flooring, an unauthorised rainbow, a nightingale, and soft breezes destroying paperwork.
Consequences include 412 frolicking Cherubim, a 34% productivity decline, and one pollen-related Archangel sneeze.
Subject’s statement on record: “Spring was ready. I could feel it.” Subject banned from weather miracles until Q2.
Attached evidence photo shows Aziraphale in a flower crown with a nightingale on his finger, looking completely unbothered.
The attached evidence photograph in full. Aziraphale stands in what used to be one of Heaven’s sterile wings, now completely overtaken by blooming trees, hanging vines, warm golden light, and an unauthorised rainbow visible through the window behind him. His sleeves are rolled up and he's wearing a flower crown. A nightingale is perched on his outstretched finger, and he is smiling with the serene confidence of someone who has absolutely no regrets.
Two Heaven bureaucrats are visible in the background, clutching their metaphorical and literal clipboard, clearly distressed. The presence of the nightingale remains unexplained.
This month’s report comes straight from Heaven's admin wing, which has been seasonally afflicted by one (1) spring craving angel who has been pressing his nose against the celestial windows since February 2nd and making it everyone's problem.
#goodomens #ineffablehusbands #MonthlyChaosReport