Hookups are not the problem, but they can become one when they start replacing intimacy. Many people say they want a relationship, a partner, something meaningful, yet find themselves stuck in a cycle of quick, easy connections that never go deeper.
Link to the full YouTube video in bio.
April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month.
Awareness is important, but so is understanding what real support looks like.
We all play a role in creating safer, more respectful relationships.
New YouTube Video: Why Some Gay Men Use Hookups as Pseudo Intimacy
www.youtube.com/watch?v=x0cy...
Boys are often taught to disconnect from vulnerability long before they become men, and that has lasting consequences.
Link to the full YouTube video in bio.
Many gay and bi men don’t grow up thinking they’re gay or bi.
They grow up thinking they’re straight, because that’s the only identity we teach children to recognize.
Full video linked in bio.
Most relationship problems don’t actually start in the relationship. They start much earlier, in what you learned about love growing up.
That’s not something you find in the right partner. It’s something you build within yourself.
Ghosting doesn’t just happen in dating… it happens in therapy too.
But avoiding the goodbye can reinforce the very patterns therapy is meant to help you break.
Read the full article in the link in my bio.
When your erotic desires do not match your partner’s, silence becomes the real problem.
Read the full article here: www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/unde...
Excited to be featured in Dan Savage’s latest Savage Love newsletter.
I shared my perspective on trauma, bisexuality, infidelity, and what healing can actually look like.
If you’d like to read this article, click the link in my bio.
When a woman has one non-heterosexual thought, she’s fetishized. When a man has one, he’s stigmatized.
Both are problematic.
Sexual behavior does not automatically define sexual orientation. Not everything is about attraction.
Link to full video on YouTube in my bio.
I used to only be attracted to older men. Then one day, that shifted and I found myself attracted to younger men.
Watch the full episode of Smart Sex Smart Love. Link in bio.
When you realize your partner has real limitations, it can be easy to focus on what’s missing. The question becomes, “Why can’t they just meet me where I am?”
Link to the full video in bio.
“Men don’t cry.”
That message has shaped generations of boys into men who feel deeply but struggle to express it. Suppressing emotions does not make someone strong. It often creates distance in relationships and increases stress, anxiety, and disconnection.
www.crsh.com/men-dont-cry...
Should your partner have close friends of the opposite sex?
This comes up often. For some, it feels threatening. For others, completely normal.
The issue usually isn’t the friendship. It’s the meaning behind it.
Are there boundaries? Transparency? Trust?
Or secrecy and defensiveness?
Happy Bisexual Health Awareness Month.
Bisexual individuals experience higher rates of anxiety, depression, and health disparities compared to both heterosexual and gay or lesbian populations. Yet they are often overlooked in conversations about LGBTQ mental health and medical care.
A partner assumes that because their partner has Asperger’s or is on the autism spectrum, it must explain struggles with sex or intimacy. The question becomes, “Is this why our connection feels off?”
Link to the full video in bio.
Crossdressing is something many men engage in for a variety of reasons—pleasure, self-expression, or exploring different aspects of themselves. When women discover their partner crossdresses, it’s common to feel unsure about what to do next.
A reader recently left this review for LGBTQ Clients in Therapy, and it meant a lot to me:
“A must read for clinicians wanting to work with LGBT populations… practical, insightful, and easy to read… a great place to start for clinicians in training.”
Link to purchase a copy is in my bio.
Mixed orientation marriages are some of the most emotionally complex situations I work with.
My role is not to tell them what they should do. It is to help them decide what works for them. Mixed orientation marriages deserve compassion, not judgment.
If a straight man has sex with a man, does that automatically change his sexual orientation?
In this free live webinar, I will break down what male sexual fluidity really means and why behavior does not always equal identity.
crsh.com/male-fluidity/
Spring is coming up, and I always appreciate the longer days and the sense of renewal this season brings.
But a new season does not automatically reset your mental health.
Sometimes it starts with one honest check in: What needs care right now?
When someone says they’re bi-curious, what do you imagine? A straight man exploring with men? A gay person curious about the opposite sex? The truth is, curiosity can go in any direction. Even a gay man might say he’s bi-curious if he’s interested in women or different dynamics.
I’ve identified as a gay man my entire life. I’ve only ever been attracted to men.
Then when I turned 50, something surprising happened. I was at a party talking to a woman and suddenly had a sexual thought about her.
Watch the Smart Sex Smart Love conversation with Jessica Levith, linked in bio.
Avoiding difficult conversations, disappearing when something feels uncomfortable, or leaving without saying why can deepen shame and strengthen conflict avoidance.
Growth is not disappearing. Growth is staying long enough to speak
Slide to the side.
I talk often about gay men who identify as sides, but this is not limited to the gay male community. Being a side is not about orientation. It is about sexual and erotic preference.
A side is someone who prefers outercourse over intercourse.
Do you identify as a side?
I was recently featured in Men’s Health talking about sexual chemistry and something I see often in my work with couples.
If you’re interested in learning more, you can read the full article in Men’s Health linked in my bio where I share more thoughts on this topic.
If a straight man has sex with a man, does that automatically change his sexual orientation?
In this free live webinar, I will break down what male sexual fluidity really means and why behavior does not always equal identity.
crsh.com/male-fluidity/
It’s so easy to go online, read a few things, and conclude, “I must be a sex addict. Now I know what my problem is.”
For 25 of my 41 years as a psychotherapist, I practiced sex addiction treatment. I even identified as one myself.
Link to the full video in bio.
"I'm here today for two reasons," Bill began. "The first is that I love my country. And America was built upon the idea that no person is above the law, even Presidents — especially Presidents." Bill Clinton.
Amen!
A reader recently left this review for Cracking the Erotic Code:
“LOVED THIS BOOK… Joe Kort gave me so many insights and information about myself as a gay man and cracking my erotic code, plus also showing me it is okay to connect socially and emotionally with other gay men like myself…”
