sorry to be pedantic but you accidentally wrote Glenn Powell instead of Ryan Reynolds

it's funny how Americans are obsessed with the right to bear arms to defend themselves yet my 77 year old mum woke up at 3am last night to find a burglar IN HER BEDROOM with A KNIFE and she shoved him (FOUR TIMES APPARENTLY) and yelled at him to piss off and he got really scared & ran off

#america

Always love writing for the shot mainly cause they will just let me call something that’s fucked ‘fucked’ and I don’t need to dance around it like I’m talking to a child

This is like if channel 10 canceled Rove for saying Pauline Hanson has a silly voice and red hair

i'm sick of the stigma and negative stereotypes surrounding neurotypical people.

if they really set their mind to it, they CAN be creative. they just need the appropriate workplace accomodations (a chatgpt login)

oh your kid can write their name?

that's cute.

my son is 4 and he's already cultivating a growth mindset.

your kid is on roblox, mine is about to become the world's youngest Linkedlnfluencer.

Only 1 person told me fuck off 👍

When it's the afternoon and my adhd medication wore off but i missed the window for the second dose

Boycotting the grocery store until they start buying an equivalent volume of groceries from me

Rhiana looking extremely cunty as per usual (she is my friend but this is a completely objective unbiased opinion)

this review quote of my show reads like a man explaining what his type is

"small, perky, charming, energetic, but also a little cynical and a little grumpy."

if you are in Melbourne i have 2 more opportunities for u to witness this brat energy live
www.comedyfestival.com.au/browse-shows...

Frontrunner for word of the year

Is planting trees 'DEI'? Trump administration cuts nationwide tree-planting effort The Trump administration's efforts to end DEI programs is hitting some unexpected targets, including a nationwide effort planting shade trees in neighborhoods to reduce extreme heat.

Is it gay to plant trees

www.npr.org/2025/03/21/g...

When starting a new role, I think it’s important that neurotypicals are upfront about their identity so that we can try and make accomodations for them.

Came here to say this. When i google medical stuff now eg back pain, the top search results will be like a blog from an osteopathy clinic in texas and then a blog from a neck brace company telling you the solution is to buy the neck brace. May as well use chatgpt

very australian coded bf name.

"West Coast Eagles centre half forward Callum Turner"

"24 year old Callum Turner arrested for urinating on a police horse on Australia Day"

screaming horde of fans at melbourne airport welcome her back to australia like she's an Olympian with a world record medal haul

[Extremely middle aged voice]:

does anyone have any recommendations of apps for separated couples attempting to co-parent

Special deal for Melbourne Comedy Festival early birds - tickets for the first week of my show are $25 for 25 hours. Ends tomorrow (Wednesday) at 1pm AEST!!

Tix: buff.ly/3Eo0kFK

well well well, look who has a brand new comedy show. it's me, comedian and linkedin celebrity Rose Callaghan.

i will teach you how to go viral on linkedin & extort a tech company

#Perth Feb 5 - 8 (including pram & baby friendly show)
#Melbourne Mar 27 - April 13
linktr.ee/operation_ro...

There's no way Pete Davidson can actually be good at comedy. You don't get to have a rich social life, attend VIP events & run around rooting hot actresses, popstars and billionaires and be a good stand up comedian. When would you find time to do all your depressing little gigs

What he's describing is threads

Chatgpt please generate a thread on a topic literally everybody already knows about

This is going to be one of those money letters where a boomer is highly concerned they may lose their aged pension if they get 1 million dollars isn't it?

That's the cutest thing I've ever read

If you just stop checking the replies and move on with your life it's fine. The trick is not caring

So funny we let uber collapse the global taxi industry and destroy driver working conditions over a free bottle of water and fun size packet of mentos

Beverly D’Angelo in national lampoons Christmas vacation

Insane that Chevy Chase spends the whole movie wishing he could cheat on this woman she should kill him

My group chats are spread across multiple apps. Telegram is the app of choice for my non parent friends, which i endorse.

Whatsapp is a loser app. It has no redeemable features. As a generation how did we milennial parents who grew up with the internet decide that this was our app of choice for group chats and playdates. This is embarrassing