Me three!

I thought I grabbed crushed tomatoes at the store today and didn't notice it was tomato sauce until I added to my soup 😭

I do. When I hurt my shoulder a couple of years ago it didn't even dawn on me there was another way. I just whimpered a bit every time I put my bra on.

I heard him go outside for a minute and I grabbed some water and waited it out. He left about 15 minutes later

you could put jd vance in charge of a party at a brothel in vegas and he'd manage to somehow both get herpes and not get laid, he is a generational fuckup talent that we haven't seen since, like, spiro agnew, who no one younger than me even knows existed

My neighbor's lawn guy, who conveniently shows up 10 minutes before my alarm, leaves his running lawn mower next to my bedroom window for what feels like an eternity.

Asked me for a piece of gum, and I said of course. This was gum I didn't really want anyway bc not a bubble gum fan. Anyway after I opened the bucket I got rushed by the crowd and knocked down while people grabbed lame ass gum off of the ground. Long story short....

I feel like it would be weird to just randomly appear at this point

I didn't feel like dealing with the AC guy, so I told Mr. Booblevard I was going hide in the bedroom while they discussed new AC options. The dude has been here for two hours, and I'm hungry and out of water 😭

This reminds me of the time I dumped a guy and two days later he tried to break up with me.

Filling lololol. You suck whoever you are.

I HEAR AN ICE CREAM TRUCK BUT I CAN'T GET TO IT

You see Alex, when a person and their lawn love each other very very much.....

Are they all just out there waving them around?

There's so much bad meatloaf out there I'm afraid to try again. Maybe I'll just make one it might be the safest choice

In the trash

Do horses want cake? We conducted an investigation into statements published by @bencollins.bsky.social in the print edition of @theonion.com.

That tracks. Morons

It's been slow on all of my stuff too

Happy I'm not alone

Also the rudest place I've ever been

I travel quite a bit and it wins the worst place I've ever visited by miles.

Thanks, at least I know it's not my connection

SAME!

Is this place broken for everyone, or is it just me?

I don't know how to use makeup and for whatever reason I decided to pick up bronzer, but I have no idea how to use it. Help me.

A friend of my neighbor knows a guy that works for dippin' dots and because the frozen treat community is so tight knit I can confirm that the event at 31 Flavors last night happened.

Oh shit! Keep us posted, and keep the ice on it. Hopefully they can get you in quickly

Oh no! What happened?

I hope you get some relief soon!