when i let go of a hug i make a loud rubber chicken noise

idk why but it’s hard to pee myself on command.

Gotta wiggle out of this somehow

weird animal fact. my dog fell asleep on me and i have to pee

like it’s ok if you have to U-turn and come back to it

no babe you SHOULD stop all traffic to merge over 3 lanes to make the turn that you almost missed

Woo!

Friday you sexy son of a bitch where have you been?

let go? when i got the music in me??

those shops that do custom signs and banners should have a guy spinning a mattress out front

We are like six months from them outlawing seatbelts.

[clapping when the plane takes off] peanut time

silly ass words for water activities. oh that’s a boogie board? you’re scooba diving? that’s a snorkel? grow up.

ordinary

had a job and a family until i missed my exit on the interstate and had to start a new life in a different city

starting a small diy music project will fix me

bluesky is dead !??!

𝕊ℍ𝕀ℕ𝔾𝕃𝔼𝕊 𝔻𝕆𝔼𝕊ℕ’𝕋 ℂ𝔸ℝ𝔼

I'm a vegetarian. But not because I love animals, I just really hate plants.

bros dropping recipe ideas

You wouldn’t put pineapple on lasagna

you guys: “bluesky is dying” (several hundred likes)

does anyone know a dentist that puts you to sleep? my teeth are fine i just could use the rest

I never believed it was butter

[seeing opp’s mom on the street]

Hey lady! Tell your baby I said *narrows eyes, lowers voice* goo goo gaga

if i were a honey badger i would still care

Ok so here's the thing: no

oh man you really opened up a can of worms here this is going to be great for our fishing trip

this icecream cone is ruining my life

nothing pisses me off more than when i have to hold things

why would you remind me of that