I wish I didnt have clammy hands. Makes wearing rubber gloves impossible.

I like to mildly alarm the the person cutting my hair by exclaiming "Thanks, I don't look anything like the police bulletins now" when they hold up the little mirror

Giants' dominant pitching staff gives Tony Vitello win in first taste of rivalry game vs. Dodgers The San Francisco Giants' bullpen is eager to "prove people wrong" after another strong game in Tuesday's win over the Los Angeles Dodgers.

"I think a lot of guys are pitching with a little more of an edge."

The Giants' dominant pitching staff gave Tony Vitello a win tonight in his first taste of the Dodgers rivalry (via @alexpavlovic.bsky.social)

Thats what I AM GIVING THEM MONEY TO DO

OH FUCK NO

You think you're selfless?

I just watched something where a man was murdered. His daughter attended the murderers execution, and when she found out his mother would have to pay to get his body back from the state: SHE OFFERED TO HELP PAY SO HIS MOM COULD BURY HIM.

Sean Waltman on X about WrestleMania 42 weekend in Las Vegas:

"I got physically assaulted and camera shoved in my face, stalked in the bathroom, and more."

Adds to a growing list of WWE talent speaking out about fan behavior over the weekend.

#SeanWaltman #WrestleMania

laminated flyer pushpinned to a community board. we see a photo of a coyote, and the text reads: HAVE YOU SEEN THIS DOG? [photo of a coyote] DUMMY THAT'S A COYOTE. OH MY GOD WHAT DO I DO???: —NO ACTION REQUIRED —IT IS WILDLIFE IN THE WILD (!) -HERE TO EAT DELICIOUS RODENT -LET HER COOK —NOT INTERESTED IN YOU, LOL GET OVER YOURSELF BABE;) —KEEP DOGS ON LEASH AND CATS INDOORS -(LIKE YOU SHOULD BE DOING ANYWAY) —YOTE IS A RESPECTED NEIGHBOR AND CRITTER CONTROL PROFESSIONAL

Seen tacked to a community board on my walk

I wont.

But I could.

I did so much nonsense today.

Though, now I have my richass bosses credit card attached to my doordash because she trusts me too much.

They make animal feed

🫩 Relax.

The sax solo is right behind me isn't it?

Cringe.

normalize dropping to your knees and sobbing when people won’t stop talking

The Island of Ireland: What tf do you think we been doing?

To people who have regular bowels: I hope you never take for granted what you have.

No quote posts, no reposting. They knew they were saying dumb things. Have fun kids.

"Not gonna happen, nerd."

And why isn't the Mandu&Grogu movie coming out the 4th? Why not? Like- why not.

using forced perspective to make the actor i hate a little bit tinier

Being pressured by the local youths to eat a bug.

Breathing and cursing like your ancestors did by the kitchen window, understanding everything now. The sea was out there, in a rage always cursing never breathing it's out there still. But you have dolphin yoga

I dont have any of that in my fridge at all right now. This is crazy. Why isnt my life represented by this post?

Me: can I get a big gulp?

Waiter: sir, this is a fine dining establishment...

Me: apologies my good man, could I trouble you for an immense swallow

are you telling me this scallion can rap

The head of the FBI isn't supposed to be getting blackout drunk. He's supposed to be cross-dressing

Not that I have an insane ex wife, but I do piss people off sometimes and like I knoe *I'm* petty, so'

See this is exactly what I'm talking about!