TitleAnatomy of Monsters: Anatomy of a WerewolfDescriptionA silver colored wolf-man stands on his back wolf legs, human-oid arms with talons stretched out in agony. His bare human-oid chest has white hair stretching down from his neck. His wolf head roars, mouth open and eyes wide. Dark grey coloring stretches from his nose, down his back and on to his tail, thatâs finished in white. His legs and hands are white fur. He stands on a rocky ground.JokesThe Origin: You become a werewolf when ANOTHER werewolf bites you. Then YOU bite and make ANOTHER werewolf⌠itâs like multi-level marketing, but less skeevy.Aesthetic: His overall aesthetic is âMuppet that has SEEN some things.âMovement: He moves like an unbalanced washing machine.Scent: And smells like bowling alley carpeting.Identification: (points at neck) âCollar I.D.âSnout Utility: (points to head) The perfect snout to get that last Pringle.Dental Work: (points to head) His teeth are arranged with all the precision of a medieval village built without permits.Schedule: He only shows up once a month. âŚbut thatâs still better than Congress. ZING!Fashion: Thank God he got the Levis with the lycra.Aging: (points at tail) He still âMarks his Territory,â but ever since he turned fifty, it just takes longer and longer.
The alt text for the "Anatomy of a Dragon" comic by Dave Kellett is broken down into a title, a visual description, and a list of the jokes included in the illustration:TitleAnatomy of Monsters; Anatomy of a DragonDescriptionA green, scaly, four-legged creature with giant bat-like wings sits on a glistening gold dirt. His head is covered in dark spines, heavy eyebrows cover his eyes. He has a heavy chin and smoke protrudes from one of his nostrils.Jokes & AnnotationsClassification: Remember, Kids! - A dragon has 4 legs/2 wings. - A wyvern has 2 legs/2 wings. - A wyrm has 0 legs/0 wings. - And a WORM is the same as a wyrm, but without the hardcore name.The Vaping Dragon: Smoke constantly drifts from his nostrils like a teenager trying to hide a vape pen.Nature's Balance: Every dragon is born with one armor scale missing, for the benefit of talented archers. (Itâs natureâs balance.)Dietary Habits: Practices the âFive-second Ruleâ for dropped sheep.The Landlord Look: The eyebrows of a grumpy landlord (âŚwho also happens to be a nuclear weapon.)Culinarily Correct: Is convinced that shiny armor is just âStay-freshâ Packaging.The Proverb: Believes ârevenge is a dish best served at 3,000 degrees.âSocial Media: Spends his weekends swiping right on pictures of unprotected royal treasuries.
The alt text for the "Anatomy of a Sasquatch" comic by Dave Kellett is structured as follows:TitleAnatomy of Monsters: Anatomy of a SasquatchDescriptionAn ape-like man stands in the classic Big-Foot stance, mid-walk. His arms and legs and shoulders are covered in fur, his hands, feet, biceps and chest are flesh. Behind him is a forest of trees.JokesThe Ultimate Cryptid: Heâs the ultimate American cryptid!Posture: (pointing to the previous joke) âŚwith the posture of a middle-aged dad trying to find his glasses.Strength: Heâs super strong! He can bench 150! (An F-150)Fur Texture: Fur has the texture of shag carpeting thatâs been left in a damp basement since 1974.Hands: Knuckles for DAYYYYYS.Build: His build is the perfect blend of âpowerlifterâ and âdude powering through a few sleeves of oreos.âShoulders: Donât think of it as âHairy Shoulders,â think of it as âNatural Rain PonchoâOrigin: He was made famous by a 1967 filmstrip of what is clearly a dude-in-a-Gorilla-Suit.Stabilization: (pointing to previous joke) (Someone ran the film through modern film stabilization software. It is HILARIOUS how much it's a dude in a suit.)Legs: His calf muscles look like four angry raccoons fighting over a corndog.
TitleAnatomy of Monsters: Anatomy of Baba YagaDescriptionAn old lady with a long crooked nose, white scraggly hair held down by a red head scarf, wide eyes, mouth open in a witchy cackle, walks along a path. She has a brown leather bag across her shoulder decorated with bones. Her dress and cloak are brown and tattered. Behind her is a cottage held up by chicken legs.JokesRole: Part forest-guardian and part local terror, sheâs a Slavic witch who rewards the polite and (accidentally!) eats the rude.The "Accident": (pointing to the previous joke) âAccidentallyâ is doing a lot of heavy lifting, there.Reasonableness: As far as witches go, sheâs reasonable! Provided you can survive her easy-to-remember 608-step chores.The Name: If you pretend youâve never heard it before, doesnât the name BABA YAGA sound like a Swedish band that won Eurovision in 2009?Real Estate: (pointing to the cottage) Her house walks around on giant chicken legs. Which, Honestly? In this housing market? Iâd make an offer.Transportation: She doesnât ride a broomstick! She rides a mortar-and-pestle.Tech Gap: (pointing to previous joke) Which is fun for her, because everyone born after 1810 has to Google what a âMortar-and-pestleâ is.The Fence: Famously, her house is surrounded by a fence of human bones. Which is an aggressive way of saying âkick that ball into my yard, you AINâT GETTINâ IT BACK.â
Gang, making these ANATOMY OF MONSTERS has been so dang fun. If you want to read a whole bunch of 'em in a row, they're at sheldoncomics.com
