This Is Just Your Roommate
I have taken
the dollars
that were in
your wallet
and which
you were probably
saving
to buy me more plums
Forgive me
Revenge is delicious
so petty
and so cold
"After USB-C Chargers, EU Mandates All Smartphones, Including Apple, to Have Replaceable Batteries by 2027." Featuring a picture of an EU representative in a tasteful blazer standing in front of a gaggle of microphones, with a photo inset bubble behind her head showing a simpler time when you could just open your phone's case and take the battery out and replace it with a better and/or charged one.
THANK you! I hated it when they took away my ability to have a fully charged spare battery on hand at a moment's notice, relying on the durability of my USB port. Finally some good tech news for once.
Or as they call it there, "kippin' the snoozers."
I knew that sounded familiar!
Trump likes to mock Biden for allegedly using an Autopen, but frankly Trump might as well be an Autopen, as it's clear he's often reading the things put in front of him for the first time as he's signing them.
- "Trump working McDonald's drive-thru!"
- "Trump buying a Tesla!"
- "Trump tipping a Doordash worker!"
- "Trump reading the Bible!"
To me these have that same authenticity as "a chicken playing tic-tac-toe!" or "a dog riding a skateboard!" or "a chimpanzee wearing a suit and drinking champagne!"
It's almost like he's tired and WANTS to be removed but doesn't want to admit it, so he keeps trying to see what threat will be the literal bridge too far.
And it's not that I can't think of reasons to take the food home, I'm just wondering why DID so many of us eat it there back in the day? It couldn't have been the ambience. Taco Bell, Wendy's, Arby's, Popeye's, they all do a lot of drive-thru business, yet their insides remain empty. Why not sooner?
For those of you who remember in the 90's/00's eating in a fast food place, what do you think changed? Because now the dining areas are usually empty or at least sparse, while the drive thrus are often full. So I'm trying to determine what was the cultural shift that led to people not eating inside.
If the upcoming gritty live-action Masters of The Universe movie does a version of this in their end credits, I will be in the theater opening night.
hemansings.com
I don't know who needs to hear this, but dogpile.com still exists.
The New Yorker, "Wondering why people are pining for old technologies - CD players, VCRs, Walkmans. What's behind our longing for inconvenience?"
Inconvenience? I just had to dig seven pages deep to find the unsubscribe for one of the four TV subscriptions I need, I'm measured & optimized against in my supermarket, lamps, music, games, and travel. Every service I love gets enshittified to buy billionaires yachts worth 100 times my house.
Recipe link: "Easy recipe using just ripe bananas, peanut butter, and oats!"
Me: "Cool!" *buys bananas, lets them ripen.*
Recipe: [further down the recipe] "Make sure to use natural creamy unsweetened peanut butter (the kind that needs to be stirred before using and only has peanuts and salt)."
Me:
A headline saying "Sen. Mike Crapo just blocked Sen. Elizabeth Warren's last-ditch attempt to preserve the IRS's free Direct File program." Accompanied by a screen capture of an older, prequel-era George Lucas saying to an interviewer, "And then 'Senator Crappo' will be the guy who makes the taxes worse." That does feel like a name he'd come up with.
I laughed WAY too hard at this.
"We don't need to do a promo, the concerts are going to sell out anyway."
He's not wrong!
www.youtube.com/watch?v=9GEg...
My main issue* with his AI pivot jokes, is that shampoo, clam chowder, trucks, and bras are all viable, valuable actual products that people actually want and/or need (to varying degrees). Also none of those things are taking away jobs.
(* -"issue" is overstating it.)
www.youtube.com/watch?v=taNi...
[Disclaimer: That last line was satire, but everything leading up to it is 100% depressingly true.]
ICYMI, shoe company Allbirds™, known as "an entirely new category of shoes inspired by natural materials, guided by an ethos to create better things in a better way," is now NewBird AI™, "slop acquired by scraped materials, inspired by lack of ethics to regurgitate stolen things in a far worse way."
Just adding some context to the new National Parks pass design:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=M1h0...
In belated honor(?) of Bondi's firing, the most recent Autotune The News:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q71X...
From the people who brought you such hits as,
- "Stay Sober with Pete Hegseth"
- "Stay Solvent with Donald Trump"
- "Stay Abstinent With Elon Musk"
- "Stay Eloquent With Tommy Wiseau"
- "Stay Humble With Cobra Tate"
- "Stay Funny With Rob Schneider"
- "Stay Humane With Kristi Noem"
Poor Sleep Linked To Gong Instrument’s Loud, Resonant Crash Can Be Disruptive
Poor Sleep Linked To Gong https://theonion.com/poor-sleep-linked-to-gong/
I hate modern search engines, because they all assume you're stupid and/or bad at spelling.
Monday while looking at the bathroom scale: "That's it... I'm not buying any more snacks!"
Tuesday at the store: "Okay, no chips, at least."
Wednesday at gas station: "Or at least no more flavored chips... unless it's a brand new flavor I hadn't tried..."
Our new album is out today! A sincere request to help spread the word!
One might think I forgot to cast The Guide, but no. Douglas Adams has read every bit of The Guide himself, so... there you go.
