if you love it so much why don’t you marry juana

Thanks Terry!

Amazing People To Follow
@jez1.bsky.social
@bluesnowflake.bsky.social
@ellilanderson.bsky.social
@mary1kathy.bsky.social

That’s gonna leave a question mark.

This meeting could have been a bong rip

Richard Scarry's Lowly Worm driving a car made out of an apple. The txt says "you got a fast car. i got a plan to get us out of here"

@stevecantsmell.bsky.social 👀

if you eat enough donuts it activates the same area of your brain drinking alcohol does so try it

Squirrels have it made. They forage for food all day while doing parkour and when the weather sucks, they just stay in bed for days.

The Rocky Hormuz Picture Show

"I'm not upset," my wife said, digging a large rectangular hole in the backyard.

Cannot wait to dance this dance

You aren’t special I disappoint everyone

Petition to rename tendonosis from "Tennis Elbow" to "Poster's Joint"

i bet it feels so good to be a grocery store veggie when the little showers turn on

time to crack open another cold one *grabs a raw egg from the fridge*

*making a fist*
How about a sandwich?

Being 47 means I can say things like 'Linda Ronstadt is punk as fuck' and pass a polygraph.

“My curse has been lifted,” I flirted.

ME: [first day as a detective] Was the robber armed?

VICTIM: No

ME: *writing ‘probably a snake’ in my notepad* Thank you.

that’s cool, bitch but can you twirl a baton?

I have an episiotomy joke that you’ll be happy to hear will leave you in stitches

Re-entry is so hot.

Nothing says sexy like mouth breathing your way through allergy season.

“Not all those who wander are lost”

— J.R.R. Tolkien

I think one problem is after the 90s we had thousands of movies trying to be Independence Day and like zero movies trying to be Mars Attacks.

I don’t trust people who sleep throughout the night.