and it's not that I want my friends to fail, but I saw another friend from college last week and he was struggling too and at least I felt less bad and thought maybe things just aren't good for therapist right now but seeing this friend thrive makes me think I must be the problem

trying to promote myself. and the thing is I fucking hate that I'm jealous of her. I love her, I know how smart she is and how much she deserves this. I just wish I also was doing well and making my own money.

promote herself and she says she's not sure how they keep finding her, but she's grateful for it. meanwhile I only have one fucking client. some people did look for booking with me and had a few sessions, but none of them stayed. I also do tremendously work on social media and actually spend money

I never use here anymore, but I'm kinda too ashamed to tell anyone I know irl that I meet up with a friend who I met in college and who graduated with me and she told me she already has fourteen patients. we haven't been out of school for even a year yet and she doesn't use any social media to

therapist: <takes a slow breath and writes something down>

me (internally): I’m failing therapy. this is bad. I’m going to get an F in therapy, which is both reasonable to fear and possible to achieve.

and also like the fact she saw my last message immediately means she was on her phone and she could have replied to my other messages, I guess

so like I've been thinking about asking her if she was mad for days, but I tried to pretend I was chill and not a mess and act like someone who's not paranoid, but I just messaged her and she immediately replied and her only answer was like "I'm not mad" but she didn't reply to anything else

replied, she talked about being busy with work and she also used her free time to get a new tattoo, etc. but now again she hasn't replied in a week.

sweet and understanding. but since then she's been distant and we've barely talked. actually, when I send her a last message in the fight itself she already took a long time to answer and it made me panic because I thought she simply didn't want to go back to being friends. but then when she

my best friend and I had a fight. I initiated it because she did something that hurt me, but when we talked, I realised I was being silly and I appreciate her and our friendship and I wanted to stop fighting and go back to normal. she seemed fine and even when we were like fighting, she was very

but also like I was mostly curious about her writing because I read some of my material to her (not fanfic, I've been writing personal stuff about feelings) and she always compliments my writing and all. so, I read a single oneshot and realized she's really good at it and didn't ready anything else

okay, so this was a week ago and I was able to not let curiosity win for six days, but I caved and I looked it up and like why is this grown woman writing on wattpad???? does she not know ao3 is superior???

and immediately this woman and I yell something like "DO NOT TELL ME THIS, SHE'S MY FUCKING THERAPIST" and that's when I realized he was only half paying attention, so he didn't get who she was to me

therapist* and then I told this story about the fanfic thing and said that's the only time someone told me something about her that I felt like it was information I shouldn't know, but I chose to just ignore it. this man then proceeds to tell me he read some of her fanfics and HE TELLS ME HER @

it's usually very random stuff I have no use for" and she asked me like "what did you learn tonight?" and I said "that she's a pisces" and like the other person in the car with us was the man who talked about her being a pisces. he laughed and I thought he got it that it was funny *because she's my

a few weeks later, I'm in an uber after a party and I'm sharing it with to other people. and I'm talking to the girl and I'm like "I don't mind hanging out with my therapist outside the work place, but it's funny because people will say stuff about her I wouldn't usually know, but it's fine because

about it and she specifically chose to keep the fact that she also writes it to herself. so, I cut this woman off by saying "I don't think she'd be comfortable knowing you shared this with me", so she apologizes and we change the subject.

like if I were to find out she's actually a conservative woman or some kind of biggot, I'd be upset, but learning she writes fanfic on her free time doesn't change anything for me. HOWEVER, I don't really think she'd want me to know this. especially because *I* have written fanfic and I've told her

"oh, yeah. she loves naruto, she writes fanfiction about it and we've actually wrote some together" like MA'AM????? now, I don't mind knowing my therapist writes fanfic, I don't see it as anything less and I have this mindset where I don't think my therapist's personal life is any of my business

"is [my therapist's name] your therapist?????" and I was like "yeah" and like at this point I had just gave her the information that this naruto-obsessed person was my THERAPIST, right? so I thought this could go a lot of ways, but I did NOT expect the next words of this woman's mouth to be

behind her in all of our sessions" and bare in my I hadn't told this specific person yet about who my therapist was, but I didn't think my therapist loved naruto to the point of just saying this without mentioning her name or anything too specific would give her away. but she was like

on my phone and it was fine. but one of the people, a woman, turned to me and asked a question about it, I don't remember exactly why, but I decided to be kind of funny and I said like "the most intimacy I have with naruto is the fact my therapist has a funko pop of him on her bookshelf which stays

wouldn't want me to know.

BUT

one time I was at a bar and a lot of people were invited, but I arrived earlier and for some time there were only me and two other people. I don't remember how, but someone bought up naruto. I haven't watched it and I know nothing about it, so I was like silent and

so... I hung out with some people who know my therapist. they're like close friends with her. and it's all good like she knows about it and doesn't mind. but I always feel like I have to tell people she's my therapist, so they don't accidently tell me too much personal stuff about her that she

I haven't used this app in a long time, but I need to get something out of my chest and I don't wanna say it anywhere people I know irl can read it

I will never understand why someone would break up with katherine mayfair and get back together with susan mayer like ????? like, not that mike is that great, he's annoying too, but make it make sense

I have been rewatching desperate housewives and oh my god, susan is the most annoying woman in the world

eek I'm already at the waiting area in the airport I'm so excited

I was able to sleep a little bit, even though I was so anxious and I woke up ten minutes earlier than my alarm. everything is ready and I'm just waiting for an schedule uber

NOW every thing for my trip is ready and I still have six hours until I have to leave (the only thing is I will need something to eat in the meanwhile and will have to wash the dishes)