Benjamin Franklinstein's Monster (libraries)

#books

I'm not looking for a handjob
I'm looking for a hand career

#grindset

You want me to trust you with my money? Someone that works for gold man sacks?

#fianance

Frankenstein's Monster:
What do you think I should name my son?

Dracula:
Oh idunno... what about Retsnom S'nietsneknarf..?

#monsterverse #horror

Antidiarrhea medicine isn't gonna be enough to help me...

I need #unclediarrhea

"I'm coming!"
- irreverent, you're already here
- cringe
- predicable

"Gotta go fast!"
- the hengehoag

#sonic

Pizza flavor blasted zyne

#zyne

Alexa healthiest zyne flavor

#alexa

ellon musk wants to defund the polar express in favor of an ice tunnel for 500,000 cyber trucks to autonomously drive sleepy children to the North Pole
#Publictransportation

Power Word: Thoughts and Prayers

#dnd

"Oh the weather outside is frightful"
Uh maybe for you.. I don't live my life rules by fear

#christmas

"Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus, right down Santa Claus lane"
‼️ TAKE NOTE PEOPLE ‼️
👏he👏stays👏in👏his👏lane

#christmas

You know dasher and dancer and prancer and... the slutty one...

#christmas

Power Word: Sorry...

#dnd

🎶I don't want a lot for Christmas🎶
That's fair.
🎵There is just one thing I need🎵
okay...
🎶I don't care about the presents underneath the Christmas tree🎶
Brother are you fucking kidding me..? The shits already bought and wrapped why are you telling me this now??

#christmas

Dean Martin - "Oh the fire is slowly dying..."
Gwyn Lord of Cinder - Pling Pling Plong

#darksouls #christmas

Power Word: a million bees

#dnd

Taco Tuesday Wednesday

Porta potty
- infantile
-alienating
-italian(?)

The Traveling Toilet
- Mature
- Regal
- Inspires wonderlust

#comedy #perfectfuckingcomedy

It's giving thanks

#thanksgiving

I respect and celebrate women. That's my ninja way.

#naruto

I put truck nuts on the Richard Scary apple car and now I've been appointed to head the Department of Motor Vehicles

#comedy #rfkj

The guys a few rows back in the fantasy army that can't really hear the motivational speech that the main character is giving to hype everyone up for the epic final battle.

#lotr

Eggs Benedict Arnold Palmer

#breakfast

So does the Lincoln lawyer just stay in his car the whole time? I'm not going watch the show but it's an interesting concept.

#lincoln

You loved Elf on a Shelf, right? 😀
Now check out the twilight of a crumbling empire 😢

#whatever 😏😂😜

"I'll pay you back in exposure" - a bleak and uncaring wilderness

#outdoors

Used to be the only women in male dominated fields were the farmer's daughter, am I right fellas?
*Taps nothing because mics haven't been invented yet and doesn't say "is this thing on?"*

#comedy #medievalpeasant #standup

Star wars needs the wicked treatment. I want to see what if obiwan kenobi and darth vader could have been friends?

#wicked #starwars

Centrist talking points have cured my ibs

#politics