True love is trolling your best friend's holiday post of a visit to a chocolate factory with a photo of Augustus Gloop's mother!!

Shit Almighty!! You don't realise quite how camp you are until you see yourself on the telly!!

You'll see quite a bit of me on today's episode of #Impossible... Including a moment when inside my head my tiny brain was screaming "Don't say the Christmas poo! Don't say the Christmas poo!"

And on today's (repeated) episode of #Impossible you'll discover I don't know Beyonce's middle name or the names of her offspring.

And 8 years on I still have no clue (or care) what they are called.

Have changed my profile name here & on Instagram due to someone at work finding my Instagram profile.
Now when they search for the old name they'll find nothing.

Amit beat me to tge £10000 question. He got it wrong & I knew the answers!!!

#Impossible

In the final!

#Impossible

Velouté

#Impossible

Zutzwang.

#Impossible

Look who was on the telly today.

A little poetry from Kenny Everett.

I've done many sad things in my time but I'm proud to say that waiting by the door for a store to open on a bank holiday Monday is not one of them!

I mean FFS!! They give you a public holiday and you go do the same thing you can do EVERY OTHER FUCKING DAY!!

"Mummy. Why did they nail Jesus to the cross?"

a woman with red hair says of course sweety in a netflix ad ALT: a woman with red hair says of course sweety in a netflix ad

"Spilled something"??

Back to work tomorrow!
😒😒😒

Jesus came back from the dead & all he brought with him was a load of eggs!

Happy Easter Egg.

Doorbell rings.
"I'll be out in a second"
Gets to the gate & the cunts fucked off already!!

The repeat of my series of #Impossible starts Tuesday 1pm on BBC2.
My first one will be shown on Wednesday (but I'm not on that one much) then I'll be on every weekday this week & next.
It's from all the way back in 2017.

"Back on Sunday" said Sweep

My mother plumped for a Blair Witch Project theme for her Easter tree this year.

You would not believe the amount of voice messages I get from my mother that consist of her asking papa "what have I pressed?"

Gemini: If you've always wanted to be dragged screaming into a secret laboratory by government scientists, then today's your lucky day!

My dong has definitely been treated badly by guys who were nice to it.

She better bloody not!!

His Master's Cat.

Finally got around to buying a turntable.

#NewProfileHeaderPic

Leaving work knowing I'm off for 10 days.

Your field of what???

#Stitch #WTFDidYouSay