My friend got me a dopamine-shaped earring for my birthday. It's adorable!! But the holes in my ears closed up years ago...
So I had to ask my daughter if she could add it to the bracelet she made me. Now I can do this!

Yesterday I had to interview an applicant before I could clock out. Everything was going great. And then Michael, yes THAT Michael, opens a goddamn window in my office and pokes his head out!
So let's just say the kid did not care for working at the boring institute anymore.

NO, this does not look like a normal toad, it has to be someone kind of exotic species and I am NOT keeping it.

What does that mean.....?

[The April Fool's Special - Moomin x TMA OC: Snorkvester.]

My cat hasn't come back from his night stroll this morning. I have to leave for work and I'm sitting at the kitchen table, fully ready to leave but waiting. I think this is a preview of what my son's outings as a teen will be like from my end.

My Genetics professor just said "You can't expect yourselves to pass this course just by studying a week before" and the guy behind me whispered "watch me" under his breath.

WHY DID SOMEONE SEND A FOG DOWN THE CHUTE

Yeah, please tell her to stop. I mean, at least I'm just allergic to something I've barely used on my apartment walls, but... I don't want this form changing without me making it. It's the only human body I've got, it's still the original, 99% of it...

Thank god.

..........the putty? I'm allergic to putty now?

No, no no no. I need to know. Tim, is my DNA altered? What organs am I missing? How much of the blood in my body is still my own? Am I sleepwalking? Am I ageing slower and / or faster? Am I poisonous? What about venomous? AM I A PLANT? TELL ME!

Wait... The thing that supposedly happens to your body as you get closer to the core of a black hole? I- wait, no, I'm not- Has she done something to me without me noticing already??

...Sorry???

I'm sure you guys can grow to love a man-eating pheasant... Or a man in a pheasant skin suit... Or an alien, slowly fusing with anything it's ever eaten... I really don't know what that thing is supposed to be.

Probably. Not near me, though! I sort of ran. Sort of fast

You're not the one who has to try eating dinner in front of a clueless kid after watching a bird... Nevermind.

I am a simple man. I yearn for the opportunity to use the sentence "You better hope your next email does not find me" in a professional setting.

Hmmm. Yes.

Fuck that. Fuck that. No. Nope. NOPE. NUH UH

[Just before the recording ends with Silvester letting out a blood-curdling scream and dropping the phone onto the pavement, another person's voice can be heard in the background. Seems to be the one of an adult man who simply says "'Sera" and then is cut off by, well, the screaming.]

[Silence. All that can be heard is Silvester trying to control his breathing. The pheasant's eyes are glassy, the corpse in its maw is limp, covered in saliva and blood. It is just "standing there", in a way.]

This can't be real.

[The camera is shaking too much, half-pointing at the wall now.]

[The bird is forced to tilt its head upwards with a gurgling struggle, and finally, a bald human head comes out. Then a neck. Then a torso, including arms and hands. Just when Silvester is convinced it's going to spit out a pair of legs, too, the bird stops regurgitating.]

shit.

[Shakily, the camera is pointed back up at the scene. The pheasant's neck is enlarged by impossible means, as if ready to burst, and something round bulges from its beak. The bald head of something round and fleshy.]

WHAT IS THAT??

[Like the bird could answer him.]

[The camera continues to point down at the ground until the bird suddenly makes an unearthly noise, its throat constricted, as if choked out.]

What- What the fuck?!

// BODY HORROR!

[Then the pheasant starts opening its beak wide. Then wider. Silvester seems to put down the phone for a second, unsure of what to do yet not pausing the recording,]

Oh god, are you about to throw up something else...?

[And as if on cue, it starts trying to. There is a repetitive gagging sound.]

[The pheasant finally stops and stares. And despite being separated by a wall, Silvester suddenly feels the need to start stepping back, as if he was peeking over a dangerous zoo animal's enclosure.]

...You're not about to attack me because I'm taking pictures, right?

[A brief moment of silence.]

[He clicks his tongue at it as if calling a cat, and the bird seems to be coming forward.]

Aren't you supposed to fly back south? It's pretty cold here.

[It's in full view now. It has to be the same one. A Mediterranean species, with a puffy brown chest and round body.]

Aren't you cute?