It’s cookie day and I am not fucking around

It’s cookie day and I am not fucking around

Someone on the internet is trying to argue with ME about cryptid-hunting shows?! I am not the one, babe, I AM NOT THE ONE

I was going to work today but there’s something touching my eardrum so I’m just going to have a sensory breakdown instead

Black & white image of a horse lying down in its stall, hardcore snoozing.

Stall cam acquired. I’m obsessed.

Absolutely jinxed it because today she saw Slenderman in the forest and left me to die. I guess the silver lining is she knows her way home from a mile away.

I’d kill for an arena. 😅 We’re working with a field. Luckily, in FL, winter weather doesn’t exist.

I’ve had my horse for 3.5 months and it’s a lot of work. I probably won’t be able to safely ride her for YEARS, still. But today she protected me from something she thought was a threat (it wasn’t, but still) and wheeew it was nice to see the work does pay off (slowly, so slowly).

I had inner ear pain for five years. Only recently figured it out. Can I say potentially useful things? Because I wish that suffering upon no one.

You’re never the correct temperature. Coat on in the car? So hot I get nauseated. Step outside? Immediately frozen.

I am up in Minnesota for the weekend. I don’t know how People of The North deal with all of the clothing management. It takes 34 minutes to get dressed in the winter.

57% of my day is spent entering 2FA codes. I’m ready to be a farmer.

My beloved current husband could offer me seven MILLION dollars to change my last name to his and I would decline because it’s impossible to ever 100% undo

I’ve been back to my maiden name for eight years now and Amalie just carved my shit-ass ex’s last name behind my first name into center ice as a nod to season-ticket-holders (me) because Ticketmaster cannot update their database. My rage is stupid bc who cares but I BOUGHT THE TICKETS NOT HIM

gratuitous mustang footage

Our teens come downstairs and do a tour of the pantry and fridge every 77 minutes like something will have changed since last time.

The only possible remedy is to move

Literally have it tattooed on me ✊

Taking my horse to the doctor with me for an x-ray of my sacrum so she can feel guilty

Mark has two modes of entering a room: silent (and thus I have a heart attack) or like Kramer from Seinfeld (and thus I have a heart attack). There is no middle ground.

I’m showing 16yo Forrest Gump and it doesn’t hit the same because she doesn’t understand any of the historical references into which he’s inserted

I need a detailed explanation of how this became an interest of yours. (No shade; genuine curiosity.) Drawings and charts welcome.

have seen IRL, can confirm

WEETWOO

So far today, I’ve had a gecko fall onto my head and have squared up with a four-foot tall bird who is trying to stab holes in my house.

watching shark week with my bf:

“babe would you still love me if I had remora”

“babe would you still love me if a shark bit one of my butt cheeks off”

“babe would you still love me if I was a goblin shark”

Bro I already did bro

Truly have forgotten how to… do things out in the world on weekends. Pre-panny we did things! Now I don’t know how to… have an interest. Find a thing to do. Go do it.

Morning coffee

oh yeah it’s sexting time