I think I’ve experienced enough lifetime trauma to justify becoming a serial killer and I’m honestly a little annoyed I turned out to be a people pleaser instead.

Two squadrons of pelicans flew in formation over my backyard, and apparently this is who I am now, deeply moved by pelicans.

They need to stop publishing books until I’m caught up reading them all.

New haircut says "happy cyborg" and it's working out better than I thought.

Seeing the same night sky and being connected by those little pinpoints of light

One day, I'm gonna fall in with the "right crowd". And, gawd, I'm gonna be cross.

it probably feels so good to do something with your life

A remarkable find in Maui! We identified the 96th hawksbill turtle in Hawaii and named him Cousteau, highlighting the importance of marine conservation efforts.

🏆 🏆 🏆

always the bridesmaid who mysteriously disappeared after being locked inside a hope chest and now haunts the church grounds still waiting to catch the bouquet, never the bride

This day in history. 2015. National Tea Day in the United Kingdom. Dreadful stuff, tea. Poisons the insides and breaks the spirit. My uncle Petey gave up whisky and switched to tea and never pulled a quarter out of my ear again.

Not interested in getting a hobby other than gazing into the middle distance for a while.

Plot twist: rats and spiders are repulsed by us

A single very brainy morel mushroom pushes away a dried oak leaf to rise into the early spring air. All photos by me

Here is a nice mushroom

join me in this shallow grave by the river, we can lovingly gaze until the crows pick our eyes out

The five stages of grief but it's just me realizing I have to leave my house

I will seduce you through the ancient art of hating what you hate.

I saw four goth kids were sitting outside against the brick wall of a CVS yesterday like they were waiting for The Cure

Despite my typos, I will never lead you ashtray.

Armageddon is terrible, but our only other option was diversity trainings at work.

What's your favorite space color?

1. sunset on Mars
2. weird nebula
3. dark matter
4. Io, the pizza moon

When a sperm whale was asked to confirm this, he first lied, then when pressed, blamed it on someone else.

Guys, guys, guys. JFC, everything sucks.

they are breaking me on the wheel for crimes of the heart tomorrow

karma police fucking do something

r/AmItheAsshole

I (22m) untied the green ribbon around my gf's (21f) neck and her head fell off

some of hobbies include sounding like a garbage disposal and rotting in the sun

your sacrificial offering is lacking and our harvest is gonna suffer, playboy

cute girl on the bus: what are you listening to?

(in my airpods) 𝐼 𝑙𝑖𝑣𝑒 𝑖𝑛 𝑑𝑎 𝑡𝑜𝑖𝑙𝑒𝑡. 𝑂𝑜𝑔𝑎 𝐵𝑜𝑜𝑔𝑎! 𝐼’𝑚 𝑑𝑎𝑡 𝑇𝑜𝑖𝑙𝑒𝑡 𝑀𝑎𝑛!

me: Beethoven

Sorry about my friend he’s been living off nutrient poor fine grained sediment for years