tired: hall and oates
wired: ball and scrotes

CANADIANS: YOU HAVE UNTIL TOMORROW TO TELL THE GOVERNMENT HOW MUCH YOU HATE BRIGHT HEADLIGHTS

the first time i worried about my (hungarian) mother’s aging mental state was when she couldn’t remember what the treaty of trianon was or why she is pissed off about it

snuffling and snorfing and bumping into the walls of the bathroom stall to mislead potential assailants into thinking i am some type of unpredictable megafauna

someone saw me reading the Candy Land wiki page for Lord Licorice on my phone at work. thinking of proactively approaching HR to manage the situation

*in tiktok guy voice* whoever invented gay sex is truly a genius

*counts on fingers* two out of however many ain’t bad

A bird fucking an atom

by god.....hes gonna split the ato

it’s like this every god damn day

update: he moved on to jacking off by gripping his Masturbatory Wicker Ball and grinding to completion. awful

the bird sidled up to me, ripped a scab off my finger and ate it. thanks man

i have modified the milk ingredients. pray i do not modify them further

couldn’t get Burl Ives Fucking out of my head and needed to exorcise it. unfortunately it made the problem worse

any day you make art is definitionally a good day

growing older and more mature means realizing things like “the performances in das boot actually kind of suck, why’d they all get coached into such ridiculous overacting”

shower bagel didn’t work so well. fuck

gotta love da classics

As an aside

US missiles need ammonium perchlorate. The only domestic source is a facility in Cedar City, Utah

US missiles also need RDX & HMX. The only domestic source is a facility in Kingsport, Tennessee

US missiles also need engines. The only domestic source is a facility in Pontiac, Michigan

love switching to “wake me up immediately if anybody sets off a nuclear weapon” household conditions. if i pretend im on the security council maybe i’ll feel like i have a little more control over anything. who can say, let’s give it a shot

forgot to drop acid over the easter long weekend. real rookie move. otoh: overcontemplating the crucifixion on said acid

Arthur in Michael Clayton: (pacing around kitchen after manic swing) fuck, I’m not gonna be able to finish all this bread

every time i take a piss i think about The Flowing Bowl, a tavern from the elder scrolls Oblivion. the piss in the toilet? that’s a flowing bowl. i assume i am cursed to experience this until i die

Whoa!

@guntoucher.bsky.social new round of huffy and i mumbling “foaming pipe snake” at one another, just for the delightful mouthfeel. thank y ou….

Can i interest you in a spiritually-nourishing public batroom

beautiful batroom