my wife and i decided to do the hall pass thing she picked the mailman so i have also picked the mailman game on

Executive order renaming asbestos Freedom Fiber.

Just because no one got hurt doesn’t mean you didn’t just take an unreasonable risk.

Daryl Hall and Todd Rundgren "I Saw The Light" YouTube video by TRSD Global

Because you should hear this: www.youtube.com/watch?v=QUSj...

That was a “Live From Daryl’s House” but on location at Todd’s house in Hawaii.

The correct response to unskippable ads on in-car touchscreens is Insurance Fraud.

Poor Spicey 😢

I saw four goth kids were sitting outside against the brick wall of a CVS yesterday like they were waiting for The Cure

Cop talk, basically.

Emo.

Might interact with some individuals today we’ll see.

the lingerie section of that mall department store should be called IntiMacy's

Just yoinked a jammed door open at a break-in investigation in about 2 minutes without damaging anything, feeling very pleased with myself right now.

Executive order renaming asbestos Freedom Fiber.

I’m stone cold serious.

Home stereo built entirely of car stereo components in custom wood cabinets.

My teenage daughter confessed to getting high but said it “wasn’t worth it because of the hangover.” Okay, pussy

Me: ...at the time we lived in a gay neighborhood

12YO: "Gay neighborhood?"

15YO: It's a neighborhood that's attracted to another neighborhood of the same gender

How To Control Everything:

1) First, destroy anything you can’t control.

2) That’s better.

When a coworker gets fanatical kudos for a job you know was objectively mid at best, it kind of puts any compliments you’ve received into a different context.

I got an interview at Amazon. It’s sometime in the next 4-12 weeks.

RIP Bob Kevoian, naturally hilarious dude.

my grandma has a tuna casserole recipe that’s so complicated it requires a car ride to a second grandma’s house.

Driving around in a rented mobile billboard that says “AAAAAAAAA…” on one side and “…AAHHHHHGG” on the other.

Truth YouTube video by Todd Rundgren - Topic

I gotta find the truth
If I have to stand all day
In the bright sunshine
I gotta find it
I'm gonna find the truth
If I have to dance all night
Leave my body behind

My wife grew up on a farm in the country and every so often the other teachers at her mom’s school would gather at their picnic table and drink. I think that’s nice.

I have never finished working on a house then thought ‘well, that was a reasonable amount of work for the result.’

who wants to come over and race down the stairs in our sleeping bags

Michigan gas station clerk saves teen from alleged kidnapper after she whispers ‘help’ In Hamtramck, Abdulrahman Abohatem placed himself between 16-year-old girl and man before police arrest

Bro saved that girl’s life.

(Seeing a guy walk into a bank with a gun) He's trying to shoot all the money