Never look down on anyone. They might be not as smart as you but they also might have a serious mouse infestation in their apartment and they've tried everything. Not me. Them. And their mom is mean. You just never know these things.
Rye toast with raspberry jam
Is there a dish called Toast Alexander?
Love yourself . Forgive yourself. No one else is going to do it. You have to go inside yourself and move the easy chair to face the window (left or right eye) and paint the walls bluebell blue.
If you’re feeling down, put on a surf rock album down in your basement and look out the window at everybody’s feet walking by
Be proud of yourself. There's no one else like you out there. Except a bunch of out of shape goofy guys with a moustache or beard. They are exactly like you and do the exact same thing as you.
The person next to you might be sad. You never know. Give them a hug. That'll cheer them up. Wait, make sure you get their permission to give them a hug. Where are you anyways? It smells like Chicken McNuggets. Are you in your car? Who is that sad person beside you in your car?
Mental hospitals need to come back in fashion
Got struck by the first volley
Of the war in the court
Never held my serve
Send 'em a wire, give 'em my best
This ammunition never rests
No one serves coffee, no one wakes up
Don't believe everything the horn honks in your face
BREAKING: Nothing is happening for most people today
Coke that has zero sugar and zero caffeine, what are you? You're beginning to scare my tongue. You're just acid now.
DTF St Louis is sending me. It’s giving TV show
Just ate a Eggo toaster waffle with a bit of butter and syrup. It was stiff, cardboard -y, probably not good for the heart eh
Angine De Poitrine needs to make a Motley Crue’s The Dirt style biopic
Very interesting passage in Bob Mortimer’s autobiography And Away…
All comedians of all shapes and sizes this is for you:
My guy friends recommended I try Metamucil so I'm giving it a go
Nuka-Nuka-Nuka-Nuka-Nukuccino
My friends and I have decided to aura farm
Last night I ate both lamb and ham and it was cute putting mint sauces and mustards on these guys thinking about the little farm they grew up on where they’d wear straw hats and overalls etc
I forgot I posted this
Fave characters from Friends:
- Chandler
- Rachel
- Phoebe
- Feebie
- Beverly Apricots
- Kevin
- NOT ROSS
- The Rhino
- Spider-Man
- Elliot Gould
Hell yeah
I had a bowl of Raisin Bran and some coffee this morning
I need to lose my belly so I can tuck in my shirt and look nice for dinner
Here is proof that Stephen King is subconsciously a perv:
- The Tommy KNOCKERS
- (T)It
- Pet Semen Territory
- Carrie('s Boobs)
- Christine('s Boobs)
- The Dead (Erogenous) Zone
- The (Night) Stand (Drawer)
- Cujo (Cujo Coo)
- Misery
I sincerely get no respect
I AM IN HELL!
April Fools! I don't... think I am?
This scared me!
