I want to be famous enough to stroll through a wonderful country mansion telling people who definitely won’t win it that they could win it.

Remember you're not a womble.

Somehow Writhlington isn’t a mining village in Yorkshire, because it’s a mining village in Somerset, which I live in. Mad, I know.

Aw no, they’re redecorating my comfort zone. :(

a cartoon drawing of a llama wearing a purple shirt with a blue and green logo on it ALT: a cartoon drawing of a llama wearing a purple shirt with a blue and green logo on it

Imagine if Cilla Black had been alive to cover ‘Golden’. 😳 Especially that first incongruous “Huh!”

I will always be glad that Margaret Thatcher got married – otherwise the most catastrophically cruel and destructive political movement in British history would be known as ‘Robertsism’.

Do actors on historical dramas check out Wikipedia between takes and play Top Trumps on how long their real-life characters lived?

Lee Mack currently starring on pre-recorded Prime Time Saturday night BBC1 and ITV1, simultaneously.

You’d have to turn off the TV and masturbate if it was you, wouldn’t you?

Nose fetishist seeks no strils fun.

I sleep like a baby: about a foot and a half long.

Stop straining the quality of mercy you twazzocks.

I get Greg Kinnear mixed up with Greg Wise. I hope Emma Thompson doesn’t.

I always wanted to be a Professor of Early Medieval Agrarianism, but it was a bit before my time.

Has-beens want to watch the world burn. Are we surprised?

'Help!' novelisation audiobook: EXTRACT YouTube video by Jem Roberts

Been rewatching Up Pompeii as prep for a holiday (naturally), and it does make you yearn for this deleted Frankie Howerd scene from HELP! I blame the script – if the sequence had been gag-packed, they may have clicked. #FabFoolsFriday #Beatles #Rutles youtu.be/ll39gYvfPSc?... ✌🏾🎶🃏🥁

We did finally post it!

Netflix confirms cast for new Charlie and the Chocolate Factory film The new film will explore the aftermath of the golden ticket contest, with Wonka having served time in prison

A fake sequel to a classic book with an actual legitimate sequel, which apparently nobody wants to touch with a 1,000 mile pole. Why do they want Roald Dahl's corpse to spin quite so fast? Is it a Zionist revenge thing? www.independent.co.uk/arts-enterta...

When the tragic tech bros finally admit they've lost, and AI is all-but entirely abandoned, remembered as a hugely embarrassing international technological misstep which will never be repeated… Where will all the money have gone? Who do we need to hold upside down to get it all back?

Every great man has a great woman behind him. All too seldom, they’re giving him a wedgie.

Why has there been such a sudden profusion of fake Trump posts? As if any fake bullshit is needed in his name; it’s like living on a street strewn with dog mess and thinking it’s funny to squat down and add your own.

Imagine if everyone just stopped paying for ALL the shitty streaming apps. Streaming has always been the foie gras force-feeding of entertainment. Broadcast TV. Local radio. Physical media. Maybe even books. We need a healthier diet.

Some people on here might vote Reform next month.

I consider all who do so to effectively be voting for the destruction of the NHS, Farage’s stated intent – which means in reality that they want me and my family dead, or in poverty.

I don’t take kindly to wishing death and poverty on those I love.

If you had a child who claimed to be called ‘Clavicular’, you would be duty-bound to destroy them immediately, and the genitals of you and the co-parent, just to be sure.

Using AI to pose as a doctor is every bit as utterly despicable as doing so for ‘Jesus’, anyway. At least doctors exist.

Don't get me wrong – my Answers are printed upside down at the bottom.

The original ending… we were spared.

The adults-as-kids match fade to the faces of *real* children, gathered round the burned corpse of their seven-year-old friend. The BURNED CORPSE OF yes you read that right.

Nobody in the history of atoms has ever mattered less than JD Vance or whatever the redneck prick’s name is.

Not sure about the great Darren Dutton's new comedy character 'George Fouracres'. Lolrandom name especially is suss.