The American and French peoples have a beautiful alliance that dates back to the founding of the US. To honour this, Americans refuse to pronounce the h in "herb".

Bro! Couldn't be me

Don't bury my body. I don't want to get mudmogged by the planet. Don't let the worms munchmogg me bro. Bro, please. I don't want to get compostmogged by the grass.

I'll bring the crackers!

Now we just need to calculate how much cheese can topple a regime.

I agree.

Pro-tip: you can comment "needs more cheese" on basically anything.

The dream is that one day I will have a child that grows up to be a successful comedian and they tell everyone all the funny stuff I say at home.

As an unlicensed medical practitioner, I can assure you that it is very important to have a little piece of peppered salami when you're feeling sad.

I'll throw some of my pills at the sky.

I take that for my conniptions

Is it still January? Feels like January

"All hail the GodMomEmpress!" - ants, probably

An attempt to look sophisticated

You can have the Sunday blues every day if you simply come unstuck from linear time.

I'm just trying my best, guys.

I know eye contact is important but I get so sore from rubbing my eyeballs on everyone.

My hinges are increasingly un

Have you considered simply widening the tube?

So unnecessary

Literally.

If Microsoft Office could stop restarting all my apps whenever my back is turned, that would be great.

I think the internet peaked with "Please. My rabbit. He is very sick."

Merry Chocolate, everyone!

I could hear the beating of the hideous heart. Unfortunately, it was inside the chest of the most beautiful person I knew. They had to die.

Honestly a brisk walk will probably see you escape

Next time!

Don't make me run, I'll get all sweaty!

I'll get you next time!