I once slipped a disc in my back while twisting my trunk to grab some toilet paper while taking a shit, or as I instead told everyone, "lifting weights."

But on the plus side, people in Cleveland get to see Ohtani a couple times.

LeBron and Bronny James.

Ryne Stanek putting on an absolute clinic in why you should look at K% and not K/9. #STLCards

The eyeline match in these Rocket Money commercials is infuriating.

This Mets team is upsettingly bad.

Drop your crime fighting Catholics

Drop your crime-fighting Catholics

I've got a particularly aggressive spammer who has been calling me for months and at this point, I think the easiest thing to do would be to fake my own death and start a new life overseas.

Your dog is going to react the same if you come home from a trip to CVS as it will if you return from outer space.

The phrase "quantity over quality" comes to mind. #STLCards

AHHrutt?

Show me a better film about the myth and the lie of America oh wait you can't because it doesn't exist.

a man with curly hair and glasses is making a funny face . ALT: a man with curly hair and glasses is making a funny face .

My Reminders app when I tell it to: Schedule Saturday showtimes tomorrow

We have been timing our fantasy baseball drafts in Dopesmokers for years and now as I'm writing this I question whether I should admit this publicly.

Relatable.

"Food City 500" sounds like the name of a race in a Pixar movie they insist is not commentary on how fat and stupid Americans are.

Me:

They sprinkle in a little Mel Allen.

This Week in Baseball is officially BACK! | 2026 Season (Opening Week) | MLB Highlights YouTube video by MLB

They brought back This Week in Baseball! They kept the music and graphic design. 💯 #MLB
How about that?
youtu.be/mp6M4W1u8m0?...

Team is down 3 points, 0.001 seconds on the clock.

COLLEGE BASKETBALL ANNOUNCER: You don't necessarily need a three here.

Hanging out with Charles Barkley, Sam Jackson and Jennifer Garner looks fucking awful. #MarchMadness

Way more large Spaniards in college basketball than I would have assumed. #MarchMadness

With the Astros visiting Coors Field the same night the Artemis II crew is passing by the moon, don’t think I didn’t the “Houston, we have a problem” joke staring at me like the moon in the window. We’ve never gone for the obvious joke here at Game Notes and we’re sure as heck not going to cop out on my watch. Mediocre comedy is not an option!”

Tonight from the Coors Field scoreboard:

a painting of a woman holding a crescent moon and a star Alt: An image of several human figures in and around the moon — including a woman seated on a crescent — from the restored (hand-colored) version of Georges Méliès’s 1902 film “A Trip to the Moon.”

Exciting live footage from the dark side of the moon!

"Well check out Cunt Cuntson over here."