Having a chuckle at the Sibling Tax Scheme. I ask for the Sister Tax on demand, but I prepay the Brother Tax. He gets hangry, and his favorite snack magically appears. I have a wee hoard of his favorite candy bars and snacks in my rack at all times
Work Bestie: Im tall, so Im closer to Heaven. Dont gotta ask for forgiveness. Me: … wait. Does that mean because Im short, Im closer to Hell? Work Bestie: … did… did you not get that memo?
Telling my bitty baby brother “fuck you, I will both like you and love you, THIS IS A THREAT” when he says he hates himself.
At least two are like “look man, if someone was going to wrestle me into cuffs I hope it’s (New Work Bestie’s name) because it’s gonna hurt, but not as much as going against that pipsqueak. She has that aura about her, like she has something hidden”
There’s this watch where we man a phone, and every single time one of us has that watch, we kick the other out. Reminds me of Dragontales and The Alone Cone
“MJ scares the shit out of me. No tobacco, no alcohol, no boyfriend, no tattoos, no caffeine. That woman runs on pure goddamn spite or something” - my shipmates, probably
Im feeling better now though. Another day or two I’ll be just fine!
Now if the shoe was on the other foot? He’s getting folded like a lawn chair and carried to medical if he’s as sick as I am.
Little Brother said I have until Thursday night to feel better, then he’s absolutely dragging me to medical. Our coworker has pneumonia so worried, I guess
For those keeping score: I got a cold on top of being sick, and last night ate something bad so I am uncomfortable. Im trying NOT to go to medical but Work Bestie or our boss (mutual friend) might force me to.
He’s called me a gremlin, and said I need to be kept in a kennel, but not one I can turn around in bc I dont deserve that. Sister Love.
bedtime mindfulness routine staring at super bright phone screen
He has not mastered the “read to the filth” yet like I have, but knows I will work myself to death.
Let the record show, I am still the best at being the Parentified Eldest Daughter/Miracle Worker who takes excellent care of him. But he aight I guess
We’re having a blast. He might disagree tho.
He also does the “Mary Jane you gotta eat SOMETHING” and insists I eat before he does. 10/10 Little Brother experience.
Im very low on energy and very secretly appreciative of Work Bestie being kind. Its all “you can sit for a spell” “lets rest here a minute” and “do you got water?” With “cmon sis. You said I get one good rove out of you, let’s get it over with”
Idk if it was a “maaaan nobody messes with MJ’s little brother, she’s gonna whoop my ass” or a “they have that twin telepathy”
Okay so, new low, someone apologized to me for something they said to him. So. Idk man.
Texas Man’s Cry for Help: a bathtub’s worth of chili mac
My exhusband decreed I will be an RN but I have been in Pre Nursing for a solid decade soooooo
2 elderly women in the sauna just now:
ばあちゃん１: ねー、ロボットのマラソン見た？
ばあちゃん2: うん
ばあちゃん１: すごい早かった
ばあちゃん2: うちも欲しい
ばあちゃん１: 何するロボット？家事？
ばあちゃん2: 違う、一緒に遊ぶの
Me, behind them, invisible: 🥹
I told him “I love you Bro Bro, don’t die. Im not raising a child with your first name, nor am I having another baby just to name him after you when you die too early”
ER Nurses, ICU Nurses
two images of the human body's circulatory system. One of them with good cable management
The human circulatory system, before and after proper cable management.
We’re at sea lmao
Hell yeah
Dudes will see this and say "hell yeah."
Baby how am I making phone call with no voice