These vacuum packing solutions to fit more into your luggage… do they expect everyone to have access to a vacuum on vacation too?

Okay, so Republicans are just pussies protecting a DYING PEDOPHILE—because they’re afraid of a DYING PEDOPHILE. Got it.

Not to make anyone jealous, but I’m watching Buffy through for the very first time and enjoying every second of it.

AI is everywhere EXCEPT where we actually need it… I just wanna tell my coffee maker to start brewing tomorrow at 6AM. No owner’s manual. No crazy button combos.

Me (circa 2009): What would you think about giving me Charlize Theron’s Æon Flux hair?

My Barber: ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!

So Macy’s is basically a parade brand now?

Why are steaks at Mexican restaurants twice the size of any other cuisine?

(Wears 2” platform boots all damned day): Why are my feet cramping up?!

Me: Gets new iPhone 17 Pro Max. Promptly plays 1989’s NIN: Pretty Hate Machine

Halloween lets you know who does and DOES NOT own an ironing board.

Apparently, AI uses em dashes a lot. I use them as an elegant way to write asides, so my writing doesn’t look hacky, like Ready Player One.

Can we please go back to boring govt that doesn’t cause an ulcer every goddamned day?!

I have 3 expectations for modern Tron movies:
- Different artist doing the score
- New color for the suits/world
- Be one long music video

You ever think an article of clothing is still relatively new, then notice you wore it in a photo from like 9 years ago?

I like to think all these people wearing pajamas out in public go home, put on formal wear, and get in bed. #UnoReverse

Just asked a guy if he’s Moby.
He annoyedly said “No.”

If I’ve learned anything from social media, it’s that moms love to comment “BEAUTIFUL!!!” on pics they like.

Someone used a photo of me to create an IG account. What’s worse is they didn’t even use a thirst trap!

The White Lotus should’ve been called “The Last Resort.”

As a UI developer, I think it’s crazy how we just accept Instagram’s tiny inline links—that don’t look like links. I’m trying to Like something, NOT see who else has Liked it already! #BigThumbs

Love watching movies set in Seattle because they get everything wrong. Like they’ll take a left at the Space Needle and suddenly be in the woods.

Dear Social Media,
Please stop serving me up fringe theater IMPROV. The world is terrible enough as-is.

Best customer review of this vegan protein powder: "I HOPE YOU LIKE TO POOP!"

This company's name is "No Limit Anesthesia." Feel like there SHOULD be a limit.

Kid at a gay bar recently used the weirdest line on me: “Are you straight? My friends think you’re straight.” Not offended, but is that supposed to be flattering? 💅

It’s good!

I’m getting WAY too many cloak advertisements served up to me on social media. Why do the algorithms assume I wear cloaks? On second thought, I don’t wanna know.

Seen enough social media comments where someone says an influencer is “just doing it for CLOUD” that I don’t think it’s always an auto-correct mistake 😩

My husband has unlimited PTO and has like 5+ weeks of vacations planned for us. I get 2 weeks. As the kids would say, the math isn’t mathing 😅

I shouldn’t be THIS excited to find my shade of discontinued concealer on eBay 😩