I can't think of a better use for 70 billion dollars than funding armed agents of the state, so I'll just suggest using it to fund the ones I like.

- Amy Klobuchar

What do Levi’s, Hanes, and Chewy have in common?

California AG Rob Bonta just revealed evidence alleging that Amazon used its power to pressure them, and countless other brands, to inflate prices of listings on rival online marketplaces as part of wide-ranging price-fixing scheme.

Better headline:

"After nearly two decades of aggressive Republican gerrymandering, Democrats finally start to even the playing field. And the voters are behind them."

Is that what the electrodes you hooked up to the pleasure center of my brain are for?

Just don't let the feral cats into the kitchen again.

There was never any milk for cereal, my omelette had a hairball in it, and, instead of sausage, I was served a dead mouse.

Although, the little outfits they wore were very cute.

Offensive, but, also, betting on Congress to pass gun control is a sucker's bet.

Although...if enough money was put into it, we might get enough members of Congress willing to pass a bill in exchange for profiting off the bet.

Also, the wager is whether it passes Congress, not if it becomes law.

It's simple: before, he "represented his constituents", now he represents Trump.

Maybe he's just the ultimate professional who has no opinions, morals, or ethics that his employer doesn't want him to have.

So, not much has changed, actually.

We deserve the same free money everyone else gets but shouldn't have to follow the same rules as everyone else.

We are very persecuted.

- Catholic preschools

(Also, most fundamentalist religious organizations/people)

John Roberts' wife is not the only Supreme Court spouse to shake down people with business before the court to give bribes. Ginni Thomas has a "consulting firm" (AKA a PO Box for checks) to funnel money to Clarence. #Corruption

"Okay, now actually answer the question I asked, without the unearned praise for a proudly transphobic billionaire."

- what a competent reporter would have said in response to their non-answer

There was a movie.

It was bad.

Very bad.

Oh no, we can't lose Sean Hannity. Don't go Sean. Noooo...

- a deeply sarcastic Pope

What the fuck

A technology that allows your employer to contact (and track) you both on and off the clock.

Plus it allows capitalists to mine your attention for value and send you a neverending stream of marketing and propaganda.

But you can send cute little pictures to your friends, so it's worth it.

Right?

Which is why everybody had more rights and was generally more free before progressivism took hold.

You know, when only White men could vote, trade unions were illegal, and you were free to do whatever your betters told you to do until you died at your workstation.

Like a real man.

I can sell this disgusting mush as a diet food.

- first guy he served it to

nuremberg 2.0 needs to end with the assets of all those guards seized and handed over to their victims

Trad-wives are just conservative-coded gold-diggers/trophy-wives.

And men want them for the same reason: to impress other men.

And it's not like Bill Burr and a bunch of other White comics got dragged for performing there either.

Chapelle must have missed that one too.

Because then the Rebels wouldn't need to attack the shield facility on the forest moon, there'd be no Ewoks, and I already greenlit a line of stuffed Ewok toys and a cartoon series.

- George Lucas

Ah yes, the "just war" doctrine.

It's a just war if it's for Jesus.

Just like how any number of horrific and immoral acts are perfectly acceptable to Christians so long as it's done in the name of Jesus.

And Republicans have been pretty clear that attacking Iran was supposed to bring Jesus back.

"The rest of NATO wouldn't help me and Netanyahu topple Iran so now I'm threatening to attack one of them to seize territory which will soon be ripe for mineral extraction because of climate change, which I claim isn't real."

Somebody 86 this motherfucker.

But where will it end Robert?

A tax on *primary* homes worth $5 million dollars or more?

A progressive tax on capital gains, interest, and dividends?

A progressive tax on inherited wealth?

Is that the America you want to live in?

#sarcasm

Depends on what you're chain smoking.

I have a feeling Neal Brennan and Paul Mooney were doing most of the heavy lifting in the writers' room.

I just assumed he was a self-insert and looked like you.

It's not "taking responsibility" if you make up a bullshit excuse for why you did it to purposely minimize your responsibility; it's actually the opposite.

Also, did Trump tip her $100 or did he use his Presidential expense account?

Considering how loath Trump is to part with his own money, I'm betting it was the latter.

The difference is that Biden had a long history of being able to make cogent, consistent points and then began to become confused (and his stutter seemed to be getting worse).

Trump has always been a scatterbrained moron, so there's no consistent former baseline to compare his current behavior to.

I'm thinking she's made more money making appearances for the GOP in the last month than she made doing DoorDash for the last several years.