The most awful people in the world have something to tell you about what rotten tomatoes scores really mean

No, I don't do drugs, but I know the junkie's mind. When I help a wounded animal, that's like a drug to me. Exercising my civic duty in the voting booth is a hit of the strongest dope. Lastly, a rush like no other, is being role model to three charming and obedient nephews

I feel so fortunate every time I wake up. To be a chipmunk. To be in a world-famous band. Our fans make this all posible

Bloomberg opinion: DoorDash Grandma Can't Deliver Trump a Win in Iran

Some people might say this was too much responsibility to put on her, but I think she just didnt try hard enough

The Wolves in the Picture Martin Scorsese's American Gangsters

On the occasion of its recent 4K release, I wrote about Killers of the Flower Moon
open.substack.com/pub/peterral...

Ive been saying for years that every story in todays news was going to happen

Incredible character design that you can recognize them even without their clothes

(Can barely contain my laughter, struggling to get the words out) hey everyone, they're announcing a new product that is stupid!

The companies know what theyre doing, I dont think they would ever let something like this happen

don't get why murderers aren't always scattering too small gloves around the scene. doesn't matter how airtight the case against you may be if a dozen gloves don't fit. glove after glove for a whole afternoon, and not one fits? come on. ladies and gentlemen of the jury, i know you know the rhyme

The Musk Who Fell to Earth

headline: is a new snl episode airing march 28? here's what to know

is a new episode of snl airing? here's how to keep your family safe in light of this terrifying new information

In comedy, there's a "rule of three". That's why there's "three" Stooges, and not, say, 1,000,000.

I knew that already

1997 I was working at the CIA. The director called me in. Now I'd never been in the director's office before. I'm sitting there with no idea what he wants to ask me. He says, "John, have you heard MMMBop, by Hansen?"
l said, "Yeah, of course."
He said, "We're gonna kill the little one. The drummer."

Tbf the full post did have this caveat at the end which, I would argue, is still not a very good representation of all that stuff

Yeah I suppose now that I think about it I did pretty much exclusively post about how woody allen had never done anything wrong on that account

Opened up twitter for the first time in a long while and this was the first post the algorithm fed me lol

Im not really suprised, the academy loves to award movies where things happen after one another in them

James Bond: What's this, a phone? I already have one of these.

Q: Oh no, Mr. Bond. That's actually a toad phone. You can use it to call a frog from anywhere in the world.

James Bond: You've outdone yourself this time, Q.

not surprising and yet still jarring to read ex-FBI agents describing how Kash Patel and Bongino reacted to Charlie Kirk's murder while running the agency. truly the content creator administration/podcast govt www.nytimes.com/interactive/...

Article titled "8 phrases people over 60 are tired of hearing from younger generations"

1.“You’re not allowed in here.”
2.“Are you lost?”
3.“I don’t know you.”
4.“I’ve seen you before, haven’t I? You were in my garden last week.”
5.“Get out.”
6.“Sir, come with me.”
7.“Did you used to live here? Before…well, before all that happened to you.”
8.“I’m sorry it had to be this way, Frank.”

getting darth maul facepaint at the carnival with my wife of 11 years, i turn to her and tell her i want a divorce

What did he think the other way might be

Scott Adams @ScottAdamsSays · Apr 17, 2022 Number of times a real gun has been pointed at my head: 5 Scott Adams @ScottAdamsSays · Apr 17, 2022 Number of “fights” I have ever been in: zero. I attacked two bullies in my teen years but they surrendered without countering. Scott Adams @ScottAdamsSays · Apr 17, 2022 Number of times my car stereo has been stolen: 4 Scott Adams @ScottAdamsSays · Apr 17, 2022 Number of times my home or garage have been burgled: 5 Scott Adams @ScottAdamsSays · Apr 17, 2022 Number of times I have been assaulted at knifepoint: 2 Scott Adams @ScottAdamsSays · Apr 17, 2022 Number of times someone stole more than $50,000 from me: 5-7 times. Scott Adams @ScottAdamsSays · Apr 17, 2022 Homes in my neighborhood that have been targeted by smash and steal gangs in past year: 2 Scott Adams @ScottAdamsSays · Apr 17, 2022 Number of major auto accidents I have been in: 3 Scott Adams @ScottAdamsSays · Apr 17, 2022 Number of incurable health issues I cured in myself: 3

In memory of Scott Adams, this insane list of self Ls

i'm obsessed with this new drink i discovered on vacation called agua. it's so delicious and the locals serve it with everything

My parents are divorced so we have two January 6ths

Looking into it

It sure seems like America had absolutely no plan here if the vp didn't just immediately capitulate and agree to do everything they wanted