Trump Warns Iran To Accept His Ultimatum Or Face Wrath Of Next Ultimatum The ONION

(A cat wearing headphones) Rachel Sussman @RachelSussman "I was playing birdsongs to help him relax." —My kid, perhaps not understanding how cat brains process birdsong

(An old painting with a dark scene) the dark ages were a rough time i can't see shit in here

My "Going Away" cake from my last day at work at an IT company. (A cake with a Windows XP screen with a popup that says: “Job failed successfully.”)

(Pooh and Piglet walking in the snow) "Is he dead yet?" asked Piglet "No." answered Pooh "Fuck." said Piglet

Meta sparks privacy fears after unveiling $299 Smart Glasses with hidden cameras: "You can now film everyone without them knowing' St. Vincent Price: it's Time millenianthemums: i want a shirt that has a QR code on it for some kind of horrible malware so that if anyone ever tries to film me in public their phone will automatically scan the code and be reduced to a functionless brick iwasrightaboutthesun: Modern day Medusa

Toddler Breaks Usain Bolt's 100M Dash Record After Parent Asks What's In His Mouth

rob, from online. @robfromonline my grandfather: i fought off wolves in the alaskan wilderness and had to stitch my own wounds with fishing line me: there was someone standing near the mailbox so i'll just have to get the mail tomorrow

Bekræft før du stoler på.

Ja, for meget mistænksomhed kan tage alt det sjove ud af livet.

If animals took selfies and posted on fb. Bout to eat this idiot #blessed (Selfie of lion and a man)

I work in IT, which is the reason our house has: - mechanical locks - mechanical windows - routers using OpenWRT - no smart home crap - no Alexa/Google Assistant/... - no internet connected thermostats Tech Enthusiasts: Everything in my house is wired to the Internet of Things! I control it all from my smartphone! My smart-house is bluetooth enabled and I can give it voice commands via alexa! ! love the future! Programmers/ Engineers: The most recent piece of technology I own is a printer from 2004 and keep a loaded gun ready to shoot it if it ever makes an unexpected noise.

Henpecked Hal @HenpeckedHal son: it's MY toy! daughter: no, it's MINE! me: you both lay claim to this toy? I shall chop it in two and give each of you half son: AWESOME! daughter: YES! me: no, that's not... kids: CHOP IT! CHOP IT! CHOP IT!

(Old painting of Jesus ascending into heaven) My doctor telling everyone he's now out of network.

Me: *tries to scold my cat for misbehaving** My cat: Don't lecture me, you fucking can opener

Matthew R Francis There once was a girl from Purdue Who kept a young cat in a pew She taught it to speak Alphabetical Greek But it never got farther than μ

(Image of a crowned god from Monty Python) GOD DENIES TELLING "JESUS DORKS" IN MILITARY TO START ARMAGEDDON IN IRAN

(A couple sleeping, curled up with a dinosaur) This is the world atheists want

PEOPLE IN THE SIXTIES: I BETTER NOT SAY THAT OR THE GOVERNMENT WILL WIRETAP MY HOUSE PEOPLE TODAY: HEY WIRETAP, DO YOU HAVE A RECIPE FOR PANCAKES

Chinks mEE @justChinks David wanted to marry a woman, but her father (King Saul) wanted 100 foreskins of his enemies as dowry. So David brought him 200 foreskins. Which is understandable. Because foreskins. 9:51 AM • 26 Jul 20 - Twitter for Android 147 Retweets and comments 949 Likes Pastor Kanyari @kanyari_pastor • 4h Replying to @justChinks lam a pastor but sometimes this bible stories look like episodes of game of thrones. iam just preaching coz it is the only source of

(A cartoon) "I just don't want to end up a cartoon in a cartoon

(The mother of Brian from Life of Brian) "He's not the Messiah... He's a very naughty doctor"

jonsavoy Trump has deleted the image but many believe it will return in three days

(Trump’s blasphemy picture but with Obama laying hands on a sick Trump) AND I SHALL LIVE IN YOUR HEAD FOREVER Dr. Obama … Ruby Rose

(Trump walking into a surgery room where his Jesus garb) "Sir, can we help you?" "No, I work here"

(Trump’s blasphemous image as Jesus, but with Star Trek characters, and Dr McKoy instead of Trump) Damn it, Jim. I'm a doctor, not a Messiah!