If an album doesn't start with birds chirping, wind chimes, or a tiny weird beat that makes no sense until the lead synth comes in I don't want to hear it

I don't like to publicize this too much, but I'm like low-key the chosen one and I walk a preordained path of destiny and stuff. It's not something I want to brag about, but it is what it is

I saw Stop Making Sense (1984) on the big screen and I've decided David Byrne is the last celebrity I'd want to bite me. No sir, not with those chompers. No thanks!

We've gotten through all of them except the Chris Rock one, so I'm right there with you

Does anyone know what kind of effects rig jigsaw uses from modulate his voice with???

Saw (2004) was the last horror movie that thoroughly scared me as a kid. In the last 3 days I have watched the first 5 Saw movies. This shit ain't nothing to me, man

I heard KitKat has gone WOKE

Starting to be known as "Mr Poops 'n Pees" by the people who have desks in between mine and the bathroom. Life comes at you fast SMH, sign of the times

Pardon me for going off real quick, but oyster crackers should NOT go soggy in soup.

The ones that they have at my job might as well be fucking tissue paper. Embarrassing, disgraceful. Fucking bullshit, fuck you, piss bastard

It's me, hi, I'm Bin Laden, it's me

I feel like we could call people who were hyper religious and then leave the church Dead-Again Christians and nobody would get mad

I might have implement an advanced IBS-C maneuver today

Is it ok that the song Computer Love makes me teary eyed?

Is that OK with you???

Do you mind if I cry a little bit when these robo-krauts sing about fucking a computer or whatever???

Mind your fucking business, nerd. This is the new wave, sink or swim

I would like to see a version of Impractical Jokers set in the world of Crimes of the Future. I just feel like the recreational surgery thing opens a lot of prank opportunities

I can't read or write

Give it up one time for this pimp

I think the water park is the ideal society

I've decided to make it my life goal to end pedal pubs once and for all

I've decided to make it my life goal to end beatboxing once and for al

I just feel like he's not getting to the heart of the issue with the car being there. The driver must have been so confused and Dustin Hoffman was doing nothing to help the situation

Upon reflection that it was a real car that had unknowingly entered the film set for Midnight Cowboy (1969), I think Dustin Hoffman should have said "I'M ACTIN' HERE!!" instead

It's crazy as hell that a salad is literally just a pile of stuff and yet you can still absolutely fuck it up if you do it wrong

My freaking uncle told me that me that the CCP has developed a real life mogwai and is planning on turning it into a gremlin in da USA

Stay out of my relationship with the MiniBrute 2S

I'm in a parasocial relationship with a synthesizer I want to buy. I reply "good morning queen" on all its posts

I started tucking in my t shirt when I wear a hoodie so when I lean over my undies don't show. I have never felt more aerodynamic and secure in my life. Everything is where it should be, everything is accounted for. I'm an unstoppable killing machine at the nexus of science and technology

That's for Facebook. Facebook is for happy birthdays and nightmares

I'm opening this app, noticing nothing has changed on my feed, and then closing it. I'm opening this app, listening to wind chimes outside a distant, humble home, and then closing it. I'm opening this app, feeling myself orbit around the sun in an infinitely expanding universe, and then closing it

This app is for your hopes and dreams, Twitter is for your neuroses and fears. Bluesky is for heaven, Twitter is for hell