I promise you that those crass and rude Penguins will aim to do maximum harm tonight against a Hockey Boy. Stay vigilant.

During the 1980s standup boom, I did so many jokes about O.J. Simpson murdering his wife. "Too soon!", the booing crowd complained.

I saw a Smirnoff ice ad earlier today so I think it’s officially summer now

Everett and Lindsay Hubbard may be my least favorite reality tv couple ever

I blame Reagan for everything.

i went here and everyone knew you

I respect the candor tbh

Neighbors is one of the best distillations of modern America I’ve ever seen

I very much appreciate the commitment to the delco accent for sextape

When your friend gets a haircut that’s genuinely so bad you thought it was an April fools prank 🙊🫣

Ty bots 💜 the dysphoria x dysmorphia combo is crazy sometimes

Being trans is hard bc one day you think you look great and then the next morning you wake up thinking you look like Druski in Erica Kirk cosplay

given it being septa, i wouldnt be shocked if it took a minute but who knows

i've never been to atlanta but philly feels like atlanta

I think it went well but that may just be because I interviewed with a fellow gay :)

ugh sorry calla, i had an interview w/ septa 2 weeks ago and they're just ghosting me atp

everyone wish me good luck in my interview tomorrow

very phillies ending with the BP blowing it and schwarber leading off with a strike out

This is the day I first came out to my parents lol

this is one of my favorite videos lol, literally got me to start watching the movies so i could figure out what the holdup was

my general rule of thumb is that any “good” use of AI is just something that would have been called Machine Learning 10-15 years ago

terror-maxxing by looking at my email on the last day of PTO

People are being executed in the street over a problem that straight up does not exist and both parties are complicit in the lie

Hakeem Jeffries actually being against this bill but being unable (or unwilling) to whip his caucus into voting against it, thereby causing it to pass when a united caucus would've defeated it, says all you need to know about that twerp bsky.app/profile/andr...

There will always be enough votes to beat us but never to feed us. There will always be enough votes to spy on us but never to give us healthcare. There will always be enough votes to pay for prisons but never tuition. The parties aren’t the same but at the end of the day whoever wins, we lose

Without America, "right now, you'd all be speaking German" Trump tells an audience in Switzerland.

its not real until the ghouls around him cause the price to shoot up on polymarket/kalshi