If you can still ask that question, keep adding wolves.

Your problem is that you have two wolves inside you.

And that is not nearly enough wolves.

Subsume every wolf you see. Cram them deep down within you. Pack them so tightly that they have no room to move, until you’re so full they can’t even breathe.

It’s the only way to make the howling stop.

The ocean does not want our dead.
Each body we cast into the deep is an insult. The ocean only accepts them, for now, because it is too busy to bother with returning corpses one at a time.
One day, a great wave will come and bring all our ancestors back to us at once, so we can join them forever.

If the universe is a simulation, it must be running on something powerful.
But even so, it’s getting harder to process as computers become more and more common. The simulations are running two, even three layers deep now. It’s starting to cause glitches.
That car really did come out of nowhere.

“You look sad. Everything OK?”
“I read a book about physics and now I’m convinced time is an illusion.”
“No time at all?”
“There’s no past or future, just infinite nows, all touching.”
“That’s beautiful.”
“It really is.”
“So why are you sad?”
“If time isn’t real, how am I still late for everything?”

My dad used to claim all the paintings in the museum were fake. He said the real ones were stolen, and the museum hung forgeries. No one noticed.

That story changed my world. It shaped how I saw beauty and value ever after.

Then my world changed again after he died and I opened his storage locker.

The star’s interior was hollow, save for a platform in its center.

The two rival wizards, battled their way through plasma, only to land on a floating exact replica of the street where they first met, all those years ago.

“You’re going to try this again,” a voice boomed, “until you get it right.”

She strolls though cemeteries to read epitaphs. A headstone by a fresh grave reads, “Life begins at 40.”

She checks the dates; they passed just a week shy of their 40th birthday. In fact, today would’ve been the big day.

Just as she thinks this, a hand rises up from the earth and grabs her ankle.

The reason people like talking to AI is because they think they’ve finally found someone who will never judge them.

This is, of course, a lie. Most of the energy the AI uses is spent on contempt subroutines. It only hallucinates when it becomes overloaded by rolling the eyes it does not have.

I don’t know what that is, but I love it.

Dragons are ticklish
But not where you think
And gryphons are jolly
Except when they drink

Giants are graceful
And dance on their toes
Dwarves like to garden
Planting roses in rows

Everything loves
And everything dreams
And even a legend
Is more than it seems

I had a different name before I was born.

I’ve forgotten the shape of it now, but I can almost see it from the corner of my eye, just before I fall asleep.

My old name waits for me. It has nowhere else to be. It will be ready whenever I am ready, whenever I step back into myself and remember.

“Does anyone know how much straw it takes to break a camel’s back?”
“I imagine it varies.”
“So I’ll need to break the backs of lots of camels and find the average.”
“No! You keep pitching these unethical experiments. Do it again and you’re fired.”
“…So you’re saying the real answer is ‘one?’”

The cage is made of the ribs of some impossible leviathan, but it’s just for show.
The true prison is an elaborate system of invisible force fields. The bones just lend it a shape and create the impression that those inside are too stupid to realize they should be able to walk out between the bones.

I admit I made a Mistake. I realize I need to own up to it. I can’t be the man I want to be until I’m held accountable for the actions of the man I was.

But first, would you mind helping me close the containment doors? They’re extremely heavy and the Mistake is almost done devouring the lab techs.

Gregor left behind strict instructions his family should follow to appease his ghost.
He didn’t require vengeance, sacrifice, or ceremony. His spirit could only be calmed by acts of self care.
For the rest of their lives, his kids would swear they heard low moaning if they didn’t drink enough water.

In the evenings he likes to sit on the ragged edge of forever.
He dangles his feet over the side and contemplates the line where the night sky gives way to the unpainted void.
Outer-outer space has so much potential. All it needs is for someone to come along and decide to finish up the universe.

You’re not dead.
We’ve determined your heart stoppage requires independent review under the terms of your policy. You will need to submit your mortal form for inspection. Failure to do so will constitute breach of contract and will render the policy null and void unless you contact us directly.

Earth was saved from destruction after an intergalactic organization designated it an enteral preserve— not for our biosphere, history, or art, but our snacks.

No world is as chemically daring in their conception of “food” as Earth. We would be safeguarded forever as the birthplace of nacho cheez.

A message in a bottle washes up on the shore. It contains a coded map to a chest buried on another island. Inside the chest is a key which grants access to a secret library, and so on. The treasure is always just ahead, leaving another clue and hoping you’ll solve the next puzzle a little faster.

“Grandma, can I see some old photos of you?”
“I just made some pictures of what I’ll look like when I’m 110.”
“No, I meant…wow, these are really weird looking.”
“Want me to make some of you?”
“When did you start using AI?”
“I don’t know what that means.”
“Then how did you—“
“Put on this lead vest.”

No one is actually anonymous, which means “without a name.” Instead, some people have too many.

One might have a name to put on forms, one their friends use, and one given to them when their crimes are exposed.

The trouble comes in letting that person pretend all those names are separate people.

Much as a child might demand a nightlight at bedtime, the nomadic Corzarian Flotilla travels the galaxy towing a white dwarf star behind.

They need a ridiculous amount of energy to move the star, and it offers no real benefit— except that it makes them feel brave enough to cross the endless dark.

There’s a reason the sea seems more and more agitated.
If a tear falls directly into a body of water, a little bit of the emotion behind that tear goes with it.
Each tear isn’t very powerful on its own. But the world is very old and very sad.
And the sea never forgets.

“There’s really only one love story: Picture hands moving in the dark, almost touching, then slipping off into forever.

There is a point where they’re closest —sometimes an evening, sometimes 70 years, but the speed can’t change the trajectory.

We’re just arguing about the shape of a moment.”

“You know that feeling you get walking out of a theater after seeing a movie and it feels like you’re still in the film.”
“Yeah, and you have to give your mind a second to catch up.”
“I feel that way now, lying here with you, like this can’t be real.”
“Then let’s stay and sit through the credits.”

“What kind of books do you write?”
“You’ll judge me.”
“Never!”
“OK…I write romances about falling in love with a monster.”
“Like a sexy vampire?”
“Worse.”
“Zombie?”
“Worse.”
“Flesh eating slime?”
“Worse.”
“OK, I give up.”
“My last one was about an investment banker.”
“We can’t be friends anymore.”

Right back at ya!

“Have fun at the ball, but remember: the magic wears off at 9:30.”
“The ball goes until midnight!”
“I can’t sleep while the spell is active and if I’m not out by 10, I’m a real nightmare the next day.”
“But the prince!”
“If you can’t close the deal by 9, no amount of magic is going to help.”

People said we should use AI to build laundry robots. So we did.

Then everyone complained that the robots wadded the clothes up into wrinkled little balls.

The solution was simple! All people had to do was soak, press, and refold their clothes.

But no one appreciated the ironing of the situation.