Season 6 / Episode 21

"And look at this. The only books we have are ones banned by other schools."

Season 8 / Episode 6

"Man, that is flagrant false advertising!"

Season 9 / Episode 5

"Can you help me get my ball down from the roof, dad?"

"Sure thing, honey.
You want me to get the cat down?"

"No, thanks."

Season 6 / Episode 22

"I didn't burn down the school.
It was the butterfly, I tell you.
The butterfly!"

"He's crazy, boys. Get the taser."

Season 5 / Episode 6

Season 4 / Episode 16

"Homey, I'd like you to do something for me."

"You name it."

"I want you to give up beer for a month."

"You got it. No deer for a month."

Season 4 / Episode 20

"May I interest you in a jell-o brick, sir?
There's a grape in the center.'

"Well, I'm not made of stone."

Season 5 / Episode 2

"Bake him away, toys."

"What did you say?"

Season 5 / Episode 12

"He's a box! My boy's a box!
Damn you! A box!"

Season 5 / Episode 6

"Lionel Hutz, A.K.A. Miguel Sanchez,
A.K.A. Dr. Nguyen Van Thoc, was paid
eight dollars for his 32 hours of babysitting.
He was glad to get it."

Season 6 / Episode 18

"Oh boy... This is going to get worse before it gets better."

Season 10 / Episode 16

"Hey, it's Krusty.
I need you to get me out of another jam."

Season 5 / Episode 10

"Remember when I got caught stealing
all those watches from Sears?
Well, that's nothing, because you
have a gambling problem!
And remember when I let that escaped
lunatic in the house because he was
dressed like santa claus?
Well, you have a gambling problem!"

Season 4 / Episode 19

"Marge, it happened again."

Season 8 / Episode 13

"Homie, I'm losing my hair."

"Now, sweetie, don't worry about a thing.
I'll teach you to comb it over so no one can tell.
Just like my hair."

Season 5 / Episode 13

Season 3 / Episode 13

♪There's a hole in my heart
as deep as a well
For that poor little boy who's
stuck halfway to hell
Though we can't get him out,
we'll do the next best thing and
go on TV and sing, sing, sing
And we're sending our love down the well
All the way down
We're sending our love down the well♪

Character limit. Tried to insert the entire quote, but it suparsed the limit by 400 characters, so I condensed it. Sorry about that, will do better next time.

Season 5 / Episode 15

"The Corvair spacecraft has
apparently been taken over.
Conquered, if you will, by a
master race of giant space ants.
And I, welcome our new insect overlords.
I'd like to remind them that
as a trusted tv personality,
I can be helpful in rounding up others
to toil in their underground sugar caves."

"Heeelp! Heelp!"

Season 7 / Episode 21

"You call hamburgers 'steamed hams'?"

"Yes, it's a regional dialect."

"Uh-huh. What region?"

"Uh, upstate New York."

"Really? Well, I'm from Utica and I've never
heard anyone use the phrase 'steamed hams'."

"Oh, not in Utica, no, it's an Albany expression."

"I see."

Season 6 / Episode 9

"Simpson scandal update:
Homer sleeps nude in an oxygen tent
which he believes gives him sexual powers."

Season 4 / Episode 18

"April f..."

Season 4 / Episode 18

"You couldn't fool your mother on the
foolingest day of your life if you had
an electrified fooling machine.

Season 7 / Episode 2

"Uh, sir, why don't you just use real cows?"

"Cows don't look like cows on film.
You got to use horses."

"What do you do If you want something
that looks like a horse?"

"Usually we just tape a bunch of cats together."

Season 8 / Episode 5

"Take it off!"

"All right, dad, you've been warned. Let's go."

"Hey. Come on. Easy."

Season 5 / Episode 21

"Ha, ha, ha."

"Oh, my god.
This boy is having an out-of-body experience.
This is very bad for business."

Season 6 / Episode 15

"That's it.
You people have stood in
my way long enough.
I'm going to clown college."

Season 9 / Episode 13

"Wait. I'm confused about the movie.
So, the cops knew that internal
affairs was setting them up?"

Season 12 / Episode 11

"The town of Springfield has been classified
NWB or "Nuclear Whipping Boy."
In the first moments of a nuclear war Springfield
will be bombed at will by all friendly nations
to calibrate their missiles."