"What's your favourite book of the Bible, Robert?"

"Tough one. I think I'd have to say The Best of the Bible"

look at this baby beaver and feel better briefly

(@ wildheartrescue on TT)

Oh, the grand old duke of york
He ██████████████████
He ██████████████████
And he ██████████████████

Getting shown up in the arena of elite impunity by *the British monarchy* is an incredible “America at 250!” achievement

The Democracy Manifest guy being manhandled into a red car by the cops. He's now Andy Windsor and one of the arresting officers is Paddington Bear, who always puts in a shift regardless of his day job as a Peruvian psychopomp.

"Why did you do this to me? For what reason? What is the charge? Trading secrets? Trading succulent state secrets?"

Was going to have kids but I'm put off coz I might have a baby that grows up to be like Matthew Goodwin.

Man standing in field of sheep holding rainbow flag.

One out of 12 rams is uninterested in females. Deemed “non-procreative" by farmers, they're typically sent to slaughter. German farmer Michael Stücke rescues the gay rams. His company Rainbow Wool, sells fabulous wool products from his flock of gay sheep. rainbow-wool.com

Who called it “becoming more conservative as you age” and not alt-rightzheimers

In every pub there has to be a man loudly talking about “in seven consecutive games! No one has ever done it in seven consecutive games!!”.

Is there some kind of allocation spreadsheet that ensures a fair distribution of these guys?

Thankfully it seems to just be a stomach upset that’s left an imbalance of good vs bad bacteria. We have some stuff that I am calling “dog yakult” to restore good working order so I hope she’ll feel better soon!

You know what’s FUN? Having a dog with an upset stomach and a stubborn personality.

I am completely over the fun of cleaning spots off the carpets.

Important data

Reposting with alt text

The Brexit Benefit of small boat crossings.

Told my girlfriend she has beautiful hair and she said "no, it looks like worms." What do I do now

Drew some boobs in the condensation of the pub window last weekend. Back this weekend and someone has turned it in to a Crudely Drawn Cock (CDC).

Can’t tell if I am annoyed or impressed.

Meme showing six logical operators illustrated with jack-o'-lantern images. trick OR treat trick AND treat trick XOR treat trick NOR treat trick NAND treat trick XNOR treat

The Andrew formerly known as Prince.

Two ponies lead me up a fern-flanked path on Dartmoor, while trying to make it seem all exciting and mysterious, when really all there is at the end of it is a branch of Screwfix

Often you’ll be walking on Dartmoor & some ponies will be like “Follow us, we will lead you to the castle where the wizard lives & life is perfect!” My advice, from experience, is to ignore them. Ponies are known liars who will make up any old shit to briefly relieve the vast boredom of their lives.

This remains the funniest way to hear about an internet outage, though.

i swear half the effort with a good heist is working out how they did it. always an uphill challenge

So, people are going to have to pass A level english to live here are they? I hope they study what I did at A level, Translations by Brian Friel, about the colonial evil of the English forcing people to adopt the English language

And once again I click an advert for an amazing item of clothing to find out it’s the kids range.

Stop advertising kids stuff to me. Adults want fun things too!

Now I have to find some cherry shaped ear muffs that will fit me …..

Badenoch and Co see education only as a means to a massive income in some soul destroying career.

Devoid of imagination and the power of knowledge they view life entirely through the prism of the CV.

My advice always is to study what interests you and the rest will follow

Well I just read a Joe Biden post about Jane Goodall and my first thought was “AH HA they used AI because it spelled organise wrong”

I’m so tired I briefly forgot American spelling was real.

Microwave ovens should be illegal. Somehow we've managed to microwave and oven garlic dough balls at the same time. They are weapons now. They'd kill Goliath if thrown. Could use them in cannons to fuck up the French. Absolutely lethal

I struggle because I enjoy preparing the mise en place more than I enjoy the cooking bit. Even worse I enjoy saying mise en place even more than that.

Mise en place. Mise en place. Send help I can’t stop.

Hi! We've made the Put This In Your Ear Object. It is the ideal size and shape to put in your ear, feels really nice when you put it in your ear, and can be used to clean out earwax, by putting it in your ear. Just one thing, though. Under NO circumstances should you put this in your ear.

The Hampstead ponds have REPEATEDLY voted to include trans women. But the officious pricks at Sex Matters don’t care what other women think and are forcing a public consultation anyway. Throw the ponds some support.

As we’re celebrating Jim Henson, here’s lots of little Muppet doodles!