The Strait of Hormuz has been closed for so long it’s now the Strait of Spirit Halloween

i've done my high intensity workout (19.9K posts) now give me my donut

hahaha

[car accident]

Stand back, everyone. I’m no doctor but I have a box of Band-Aids®️ containing every size they make.

I put the fun in defunct

420? Yes, it means we have to read 420 variations of basically the same joke.

where my economists at ?💰💸💶

me: a waist of money means you need to tighten your belt

John Kenneth Galbraith: what

chopped up my last shreds of patience and stirred them through my coffee

There was no descent into madness. I did a cannonball.

im a leftie but i shoot pool right-handed i contain multitudes, what’s your fuckin’ problem

[today]
sorry again. post it now. NOW. HURRY UP oops you were too slow try again, loser i mean user 😬

are you telling me this scallion can rap

Crispin Glover turns 62 Monday. By George, how time McFlys.

i open my laptop with my right hand but i close it with my left, what’s your fuckin’ problem

In retrospect, naming our band Sold Out was a terrible idea.

I hope I die doing what I love but with my luck I'll probably die doing your mom...

same. my posts cheer you up every day, too. wait. hold on i think i did that wrong 🤔

post the best picture you have ever taken of your pet (if you feel like it):

i don't know what it is but i love this pic of norm

😂

everyone loves a gender reveal party (black smoke, black man standing nearby with a guilty look)

oops

omg im touched ! (by you or pot shop boy cuz you’re both like right next to me omg) 🤗

omg i hope you ordered a bacon egg & cheese on a biscuit for me omg 🙏🏼

I turned notifs on for people who are always here. So basically, we live together now.

a man in a suit stands in front of a screen that says " quiet piggy " Alt: shitler pointing his finger at a woman (of course) & saying " quiet piggy "

shitler replying to me:

behind the post: i actually meant to eat one strawberry but i accidentally on purpose ate like half a chocolate babka oopsy

i meant to eat a handful of blueberries but i accidentally on purpose ate a sleeve of Oreos oopsy my bad 😬

zombie carpenters use finger nails

leftie thumbs up 👍🏼

😂