It’s day 2 of Hanukkah and my Venmo is quieter than my tinder DMs. There is no God.

Glass half full: Big opportunity here for Kimmel to bring the Man Show back. I have a feeling for some reason that one won’t get cancelled.

People ask me why I don’t talk about my job and the answer is because being a graphic designer is dumb as hell.

“How’s work going”

“Not gonna lie man, today was a nightmare until I moved the letter N closer to the letter W. You wouldn’t get it”

The worst part about there being ai bands is that when you tell them to kill themselves, they can’t. Also probably the music.

JUST ANNOUNCED! 📢 Comedian and member of
@thesloppyboys.bsky.social - @mikehanford.bsky.social
is coming to Grog Shop August 7. Mike is part of The Birthday Boys and known for Comedy Bang! Bang! He's also funny as f*ck. See him live with @okpants.bsky.social

🎫: grogshop.gs/tm-event/mik...

Got kicked out of TJ Maxx for having TJ Sexx

I am the rest.

The best thing about this app is I have yet to see any dweebs on here posting unsolicited advice on how to be a “high value male” or some such small pee-pee shit

You should be able to vape Diet Coke

Might buy a Cybertruck just to be the first guy to get sucked off in one

Glad I have another one of these apps to copy and paste jokes no one really needs on one platform let alone 3.

I have a recession-proof boner

Currently

“He was sending his heart out”

Move over “thoughts and prayers”, now every politician is gonna sieg heil when there’s a school shooting!

Can’t wait for No Nut November to end

@typeoneerror.com I’m old, but not “just making jaded declarations” old yet. Saving that for next year.

Being a creative director used to mean something

There was supposed to be an image that accompanied this. Cool app.

I don’t “crash out” I “respond accordingly and am told to find a new therapist”

Sick we did it guys. We’re at a different party and no one brought any drugs. Suck it, Twitter.

Chipotle used to be the apex of human achievement in chain restaurant eating and now it’s just a corrugated metal box covered in boogers and lettuce

Are nudes allowed on here